My past is never far away.
It follows me wherever I go. It led to me where I am, and always trails quietly behind. But sometimes it sneaks up on me, jumps out from behind and drags me back to darker days.
It brings up old memories of heartbreak and pain. It interferes with every relationship I have, pushing away good people until they can’t take it anymore. It makes me second guess everything I do, it has me thinking that everyone has a hidden agenda.
The past gives me excuses to behave in irrational and illogical ways. Like because I was abused in the past, I can treat people shitty and get away with it. Somehow my past convinces me that this is true.
In reality, no one deserves to be treated poorly regardless of my past history. The people I’m treating like shit didn’t have a part to play in my past and therefore, don’t deserve to be treated with disrespect or dishonesty.
I know this. Deep down, I do.
I know that not every person I encounter will be like people from my past. There are good people out there and I need to start trusting that not everyone will screw me over.
But this is so much easier said than done.
Because the past is there to remind me of my mistakes and allow me to repeat them.
Well I’m done accepting that, and using it as an excuse. My past doesn’t have to define my future.
I know that I wouldn’t be where I am without it, but it’s time I let go of the hold the past has on my present life.
Today, my past mistakes and fears will no longer have a say in whether or not someone is a good person. That’s for my current self to decide. The past will no longer hold any weight to how I perceive or view someone.
And while it’s served a purpose in my life, it’s are also getting in my way.
So, while I appreciate you for all of the lessons I’ve learned and memories I’ve made, please past, stay the fuck out of my present and future.