I Put Every Fiber of my Being Into Us While You Watched Us Burn To Nothing

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The day you left me was a day I never expected to survive. It was so easy for you to leave me and life we had built throughout the years. You watched me self-destruct and acted as if it didn’t phase you. And maybe it didn’t affect you, but that isn’t even the point anymore. There was this unknown part of my heart and soul that I didn’t know existed until I started the process of healing from your traumatic departure. The amount of strength I didn’t know I had until you left is the greatest gift you have ever given me.

You wanted to blame me for your unhappiness and failure of our relationship. As if I wasn’t already down and out that you walked out on me, never to return, you felt the need to break me down even more by placing the blame on me. When it first happened, I spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out how the blame was being placed on me and how you weren’t responsible for any of it.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized you weren’t ever going to take responsibility for your part in the relationship because you don’t want to face yourself. You’d rather lie to yourself in order to sleep at night rather than face yourself and the damage you caused another human being. That’s the sad reality you live in which is why you were able to leave me so quickly as if I was an extra in your movie.

The reason you want to blame your unhappiness on the relationship is because you were unhappy with yourself. By not addressing the struggles and difficulties in our relationship when I brought them up, you drank yourself to sleep while I was next to you crying, not knowing what else to do to save us. The nights I stayed up all night trying to figure out ways to fix our relationship were epic failures, but that wasn’t my fault. You damn well can’t ever say I didn’t fight for us because I put my heart, soul and every fiber of my being into “us.”

You emotionally withdrew from the relationship without bringing it to my attention and I refuse to blame myself for that. Personally, I think there was too much blame placed on me, but that’s okay now. When you left, I didn’t think I’d make it another 5 minutes, let alone make it to the next day. But you knew that, remember? You just watched. That gave me the strength to come to accept that I never knew you and you never loved me nor cared.

When you left, I couldn’t accept that I had been used and manipulated. Now, you’ll be the lesson I teach my niece and future children of how to treat people and how not to treat people. At least you’ll serve some purpose.

Shame on me for putting my worth and my faith into someone else. Had you stayed, I would have never realized how much more I am worth than you ever gave me credit for. I would have never came to the conclusion that it was me who was settling for mediocre. Thank you for allowing me to see that because no one will ever have that type of power over my worth and my life.

I was devoted to you 110% and I wasn’t going to look back because I loved you. I can truly say I loved you unconditionally because your flaws would have never come close to the good in you, at least that’s what I thought at the time.

When you left, you helped me understand that not everyone is who they say they are. I mean, the way you treated me the last year of the relationship it was almost like sleeping next to a stranger I picked up off of the street. That’s how unfamiliar you were to me. Now, you’re a faded memory to remind myself of what not to do and how much I am worth.

You may have knocked me down temporarily, but sweetheart, I’m a fucking warrior and there’s no limit to my strength. You dulled my brightness and sparkle and I finally have it back. I have no idea where this strength came from, but I have you to thank for leaving and making me a stronger and wiser warrior. I was always too good for you, I just didn’t know it at the time. Today, I am filled with joy, happiness and laughter, not anger, hurt or bitterness. You were the lesson I needed in order for me to face my demons and come out on top. And I’ll remain on top.

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