At one time or another, many of us are going to have our hearts crushed by someone else. You’ll feel as if someone literally punched you in the gut. You may feel betrayed, lost or hopeless for quite some time. And I’m sorry you feel those things because it sucks. Take what I’ve learned and had to endure for what not to do when you’re heart has been stomped on.
My ex-fiancé and I were having our issues but never was it communicated or hinted that wewere on the verge of breaking up. In hindsight, my ex-fiancés actions and distance from me should have been a clue or two.
At the age of 30, I had to move back in with my parents after my ex walked out and left me high and dry without a word. I was devastated, humiliated and ashamed. My world and everything in it came crashing down in the snap of a finger.
After my ex left, I waited at “our” home for a few weeks, hoping and wishing he would come back. He didn’t. When I realized he wasn’t coming back, I attempted to end my life. Thankfully I have an amazing family who found me and helped me accept that it was time to leave and start the grieving process.
To this day, I am still processing what happened in that relationship as well as what I have and have not done to truly make it a part of my past as well as a learning experience for the future. The following list is what and what not to do after you have had your heart broken. It is my hope that this will help save you from making mistakes so you can focus solely on the process of letting go and moving on.
You do not need to distract yourself
The last thing you need is something to distract you from heartbreak. You need to process what happened and grieve the loss of someone who was in your life and I assume was very important to you. The last thing you need are unresolved feelings that will affect your future relationships.
I thought I needed to distract myself and I got nothing out of it. For me, I needed to prove (to no one in particular) that I was worthy and deserving. I started talking to different guys and ended up being in a “relationship” with one of them, if you can even call it that. The person I was with was absolutely awful. I think he was overall just not a good person. I think I stayed so long because I felt I wasn’t deserving of anything so proving my worth to whoever didn’t quite work out as I had planned.
The problem with distracting yourself is that you never heal the wounds of the past and they carry over into your current life. You need to feel the wide range of emotions you’ll feel if you ever have your heart broken. Distraction is only delaying the inevitable truth that you are going to have to deal with the breakup and heartbreak at some point so might as well do it now than later.
Allow yourself time to grieve
I know there are some people that do not fully understand what it means to grieve someone who is alive. Grief is commonly associated with death. According to dictionary.com, grief is “keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret,”. So, many of us attribute grief with the death of a loved one because that’s the only type of grief we grew up knowing.
In order to process the separation, you can think of grieving the loss of a loved one because even though they may be alive, they have departed your life and are no longer a part of it. Just by acknowledging it takes you one step further than you were a second ago. Acceptance is the harder part of working through the heartbreak but in my opinion, acceptance is an everyday type of thing.
Analyze the relationship
You’re dealing with the heartbreak of a relationship ending and now you’re probably thinking “why the hell would I want to do that”? This right here is taking a sucky situation and making it a learning experience so at least you get something out of it.
Go over what you did right and what you did wrong. Be sure to include what they did right and wrong. It’ll give you insight into why things didn’t work out and what things you won’t bring into the next relationship you’re in. It will also help you define things you want and don’t want in relationships as well as things you are willing to compromise on and things you won’t compromise on.
Do not call, text or social media stalk your ex
I cannot stress this enough because I’ve been in this place and it has made me resent social media and can’t enjoy using it as I once did. You do not need to know what the other person is doing, who they are with, how they are doing or anything of that sort. If you decide to accidentally stumble upon their Facebook page, ask yourself if they are wondering how you are doing or if they care what you are doing. I am not sorry for being blunt but it is something you need to ask yourself from time to time.
You do not need to know anything related to that person anymore and frankly, it is none of your business.
So, I used to go on my ex’s Facebook page to see if he had changed his profile picture or to see what or if he posted since the last time I was stalking his page. Let me tell you that I was not fond of seeing the picture of him and his new girlfriend the last time I ever went on his Facebook page. It didn’t make me feel good so why did I even go on in the first place?
I recommend blocking them on all social media platforms and your phones. You already feel crappy enough about the situation so why make it anymore crappy or difficult to deal with? It makes no sense to add fuel to that fire.
While I could probably go on and on about what and what not to do during heartbreak, I’d rather provide you with the most crucial and critical things that helped me get to a point of acceptance and healing.
After my ex left, I became very bitter and resentful and not just toward him but everyone and everything in my life. It was unhealthy and led me down a scary path for a while. It was a lonely, dark and scary place to be in during that time.
The party isn’t fun when you’re locked inside of your room being pissed at the world. The world didn’t do this to you. It’s an unfortunate part of life most of us have to go through. The important part of the equation is which of you will take the time to heal or ignore it and have a lifetime of unhealthy relationships.