How To Hold Up Your Part of the Relationship When You’re Depressed

It’s not the easiest thing to conquer. It’s very difficult to participate in a relationship when you can’t even fathom getting up to shower. Everyone is different when it comes to depression and how it affects people.

That being said, some of the suggestions may need to be tweaked to suit your life and lifestyle. Some of these ideas may help and some may help generate ideas that work for you. I feel your pain and fight the demon of depression, so please know you are not alone.

JOURNAL

A journal between the two of you is a good way to keep in contact or write little messages to each other when one is away or not around. You can write how you’re feeling to your significant other or just a quick note letting them know you love them and care about them.

This also keeps the dialect and communication open between the two of you. Some people have a more positive experience with writing rather than talking. Others may be able to to write better than they speak. Whatever it is you and your partner agree to do, stick to it. It’s easy to drop the ball when depression is involved. Depression knows no limits.

DATE NIGHT

Schedule date night. Whether it is something to do inside or going out to see a movie, just something where the two of you can spend time together and be with each other.

Life is chaotic and throws many curve balls out of nowhere, so it’s easy to let this fall by the wayside. Do not allow it to become a habit.

GET A CARD OR MAKE A CARD

This is just a living gesture that helps your significant other feel cared about. It also gives a sense of security to the other that you care about them and wanted to make sure they know they are special.

ASK IF/WHAT THE OTHER NEEDS FROM YOU

Be straightforward with the other. Tell the other what you need and don’t be afraid to ask the other for help. Often times, we feel we have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders but we don’t.

We can ask for help. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable. It shows strength and courage to ask someone to fight this battle of depression with you.

ASK ABOUT THEIR DAY

This helps show you care about them regardless of how you’re feeling or if you had a bad day. It also opens the line of communication, which is critical for relationship success with or without depression.

This is also a way to take yourself out of your own mind and funk and focus on something else. It gives your mind a break to focus on what is important to you and for the relationship.

This is not going to be easy. It may seem easy at first to some people and for others it may seem like a daunting and dreadful chore. I know both sides. But you’ve got to put every effort forth to show in little ways that you are in fact still in the relationship. If you’re struggling with holding up your side of the relationship because depression is being a little bitch, you got this.

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I Am Forgiving You Because I Deserve Peace

There’s not a bone in my body that wants to forgive you, but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of it. You don’t deserve my forgiveness in the slightest, but I’m not forgiving you for you, I’m forgiving you for me.

I’m forgiving you so I can sleep at night without fear. The amount of physical and psychological damage you did to my life is unexplainable. Anything and everything you put me through are things I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It is inexcusable.

I’m forgiving you so that I can leave this in the past and no longer allow it to affect my future. You’ve had too much power over me for so long and it’s coming to an end. You’re never going to change or own the fact that what you did was wrong, so I’m doing it for you.

Because I know if I don’t forgive you, all the memories that make my stomach turn will continue to haunt me forever. Cornering me in the bathroom and intimidating me by getting so close to my face I could feel the heat from your breath on my cheek. Instigating fights and antagonizing me until I had absolutely nothing left in me to argue anymore.

Yelling and screaming at me while I was severely ill, telling me lie after lie and genuinely believing it was okay, cheating and blaming me for everything wrong in your life. I’m done allowing the memory of you to consume my mind.

I’m forgiving you because I know what it’s like to have demons, to have a past that still haunts you, and to battle mental illness, but the thing is, you’re sicker than I ever was or will ever be.

You’re so unhappy with your own life, that you had to stain mine. You staged prescription medication all over the floor and then proceeded to call the police reporting to them I overdosed. All because you didn’t want me in our apartment that night for some reason, and the reason doesn’t even matter anymore.

You put a mark on my background so that potential jobs I wanted may not hire me because of a psychiatric history. And even though the hospital I was taken to found no evidence of medication in my body and completed a domestic violence assessment, the initial reason for bringing me to the hospital was an overdose and that is on record permanently.

And then the day came when you woke me up by taking a pistol and smacking it on my thigh. You held it to my head while I pleaded to you to cover my dead body to spare my family seeing their little girl like that.

Thankfully, I was given a split second to make the decision to live or die and I chose to live.I booked it out of that apartment so fast I didn’t care what was left behind.

I ran with one slipper on, no cell phone to call anyone because you had stolen both my personal and work cell phone, to the police department a few miles down the street.

I ran faster than the speed of light and when I got there, I collapsed on the floor and officers called my family.

The last text message from you was “never bye, believe that love, never bye…” which has been permanently stamped in my memory.

Looking back at it now, I don’t know whether I am more resentful at you or law enforcement and judicial system for not helping and forcing me to jump through every last hoop possible to obtain a restraining order against you.

But I have forgiven the officers and judges I encountered throughout my rollercoaster in hell.

But you knew they weren’t going to do much, didn’t you? You knew the laws without having to look them up because of the amount of times you’ve been arrested for domestic violence or related offenses but never convicted because we were all too scared for our lives.

Finally, I was no longer scared and fought for my right to live my life the way I wanted to. Endless battles in and out of courtrooms became exhausting but there was never a thought in my mind to drop the charges no matter how exhausted both mentally and physically I was.

Justice needed to be served for what you did to me and the others. I became the voice for the others because you silenced them. I became the voice for future victims to save them from a hell of a lot of pain and torture. No one deserves the hell you take joy in putting us through.

I can finally say I completely and truly forgive you. You are a sick, twisted, miserable person and I feel sorry that this is how you choose to live your life.

After everything you put me through, I overcame it all and gave myself peace of mind. Rather than hold onto these poisonous resentments, I am setting them free so I can live as normal of a life as I can. This is my final goodbye, have a nice life.

The Disaster of an Empath and Wounded Narcissist

It’s an epic match, the empath and the narcissist. To the narcissist, the empath is heaven, the source of the unconditional love and affection they’ve been craving. But to the empath, the narcissist is just hell disguised as what they thought was love. Initially it seems as if it’s just two opposites that attract, intense and passionate, but it’s runs much deeper than that. And ultimately, it is the narcissist who pulls the empath down into the rabbit hole of their toxic love. And yet the pattern persists, the empath always seems to fall for the wounded narcissist and the question of ‘why’ goes unanswered.

It’s a difficult pattern to understand because your average person would think “narcissist” and run. It’s general knowledge that a narcissistic partner means a one sided love, the epitome of give an inch take a mile, con artists and compulsive liars. All of which is true, but the mind of an empath is much more complex than to stop there.

A narcissist is someone who has perfected the craft of lying to the point where it’s most likely normal and unconscious to them. As a result, they’re constantly accusing their partners of cheating or lying and are suspicious for no apparent reason. They struggle with taking responsibility for their actions and instead find every reason to blame other people.

But the thing about empaths is they don’t see narcissists as what they are, they see them as ‘broken’ and ‘fixable.’ They see every fault of a narcissist and find a way to love it a little harder. They see a narcissists accusations of cheating and lying as their insecurities shining through, that in their past they must’ve had a heartbreak so painful that now they’re scarred. They think they’re in need of growing up, of someone to help guide them and show them how to take responsibility for their actions.

An empath would never push away a person because they’re broken, instead they would work every day to help them heal and piece them back together.

Empaths have hearts of gold that are constantly putting others needs before their own. Without even realizing it, they will throwing away their own well-being to sacrifice for this person who does nothing but drain them. They’re convinced this is love and what they’re doing will help in the long run. Empaths are givers with the best intentions, genuine and loving in their nature, and the completely unaware that the challenge ahead of them is unfixable.

Empaths are always searching for the good in every soul they meet, that’s why when they cross paths with a narcissist it’s no different. They will give their narcissistic partner the benefit of the doubt more times than they can keep count of. Forgiving them constantly because they truly believe they are just broken souls in need of a love so intense that they make it through this ‘funk’ they’re in.

But the fact of the matter is that a narcissist is a dead end, cureless personality disorder that no amount of love could change. It won’t be an immediate comprehension, as the empath won’t allow themselves to give up, but slowly the narcissist will prove their inability and resistance to change.

The narcissist will exhaust the empath with their constant need to be the center of attention and their failure to reciprocate the love given to them. A narcissist is never satisfied, ever, and sadly, the empath will come to realize this.

So why does the empath always seem to fall for the wounded narcissist? Because they’re good, decent people who were placed on this earth to help others. They are fixers who see a broken person and try to heal them. But unfortunately, a narcissist is too big of a problem for one person to solve.

Love Might Be a Gamble, But You Can Take a Chance with Me

When I tell you I want to know all of you, I hope you know I mean it from the bottom of my heart. We all have a past, some worse than others, but regardless of yours I want to know everything. Especially the parts you tried to throw away– you know, the parts you convinced yourself no one could ever love, because those are the ones I’ll love a little extra.

I am not proud of my past but it has helped me understand who I was and who I don’t want to be. The past can serve a positive purpose if we want a better future. I am here in the present and have no ties to your past. I am not your past.

I want to understand you by where you came from and how you got to where you are now. I want to travel that journey with you, but you need to trust me.

I know it may be hard for you to believe but I’m not here to hurt you. It’s hard for me to trust you and have faith in you too, but I am. I just want you to know that I’m willing to wait until you’re comfortable enough with me to show me your life, past and present.

Please remember that I’m not going to judge you or criticize you. I’m not going to use it against you in any way, shape or form. I promise not to ever throw your past or current life in your face in the heat of a moment.

I know it’s going to take some time to open up to me and I’m okay with that, just because I’m an open book doesn’t mean everyone else is too.

You get worried and anxious about certain behaviors and actions because it reminds you of bad parts of your past. But I’m not part of that and you really need to stop associating me with your past, I am not your old friends and ex girlfriends. And from the sounds of it, I’m glad I’m not.

I’m your present and you’re my present. It’s called “present” for a reason, because it’s a gift. Today, you are one of the gifts I am so grateful to have in my life.

You need to leave the past where it is and either bury it or close the chapter on that part of your life. You say you don’t trust people and have a hard time opening up to people because of bad memories and pain you went through.

How can I prove to you and help you understand that you can trust me? How else can I show you that all I want is for you to be happy and to be happy in whatever you want to call “us”? I say it like that because it’s never been talked about but we both know we’re more than friends.

You will always be my friend first. I need you to know that I only want the best for you and that I am here simply because you’re you. I do not want to cause chaos or drama in your life. I want to bring happiness, joy, comfort and be your safe haven when you are down and out.

Please start trusting me. Try to open up to me more. I can only understand you if you let me in, even the slightest. It’s hard to give someone the benefit of the doubt when you’ve been burned in the past, but I’m asking you to take a chance on me. I know I’m worth it and I hope at some point, you’re able to see it. I truly want you to know that my purpose is not to cause harm or bring pain.

So please trust me and believe me when I say I have your best interest at heart. It kills me to know the pain and hurt you’ve been through but I want to be the one to replace those times with positive and happy memories. If you let me in, you will see my heart is pure as gold and that I wouldn’t hurt you.

If you give me the chance, I will show you how you deserve to be treated. You deserve kindness, peace, love and admiration but above all, you deserve to be treated with respect and equality. You deserve someone who values your opinion and someone who will battle beside you to overcome any challenge or problem that comes your way.

And lastly, you deserve to be treated like the amazing and beautiful person you are on the inside and out. You are loving, caring and compassionate and you deserve the same love and compassion in return. And I will gladly do that if you give me the chance. Thank you for being an inspiration in my life and for showing me that not everyone in the world is going to hurt me. You truly have been a blessing in my life and I hope it continues.

This Is For The One Who Has The Courage to Handle my Messy Heart

I know it seems like I come with a lot of baggage. I’ve been through my share of shitty relationships. People have tried to kick me down time and time again.

One thing I can be sure of is you won’t regret taking a chance on me. I promise.

I will be difficult more often than not. I will be stubborn at times. But I will compromise on most things and you will always be a priority to me.

I love hard. I love deeply. I love unconditionally and selflessly. You can’t find that in everyone you meet. So cherish it.

I have braved through many storms, even hurricanes. And guess what? I am still here stronger and more fearless than before.

It won’t be easy. No real love is easy. It takes effort and devotion. It takes work. But I’m willing to work at it every day as long as you are.

I don’t give up. I will never give up so long as you don’t give up on yourself. I can carry myself and us, you just need to focus on you and I got the rest. Trust me on that.

There will be times I am overly sensitive or super emotional. Please don’t turn your back on me during these times. Just know a hug and a kiss on the forehead is enough for me.

I don’t need fancy things. I don’t care for presents. I just want to be in the moment with you and making memories.

I will want to take a million pictures with you. It doesn’t matter where we are because I will remember the memories. It may get annoying to you, but it’s all in good fun and serves a purpose.

I have insecurities. While I am secure in my own skin, these may arise here and there. My insecurities may seem crazy to you but all you need to do is reassure me every now and again that it’s me and you.

If you stop showing me you care or that you love me, I will walk away. I know my worth and it is within myself, not you. If you don’t show appreciation or gratitude for the everyday things, I will walk.

I want someone to come home to and talk about our days and genuinely care. I don’t want it to become routine and forced.

I don’t want you or myself to become too comfortable. I want to date you and be your significant other while living together and being best friends.

I want date nights and intimacy. I want romance and adventure. I want to try new things and vice-versa. I want you to be as willing as I am to grow as a couple as well as individually.

I may be 50 shades of messy. I may piss you off. I may annoy you. Despite all of that, I just want you to not give up on me and to fight for us every day.

I am done with having one foot in and the other one out. The same has to go for you also. I’m willing to hold your hand and take that jump into the water with you.

If you do, I promise you that we will make it and we will grow stronger each and every day.