It’s an epic match, the empath and the narcissist. To the narcissist, the empath is heaven, the source of the unconditional love and affection they’ve been craving. But to the empath, the narcissist is just hell disguised as what they thought was love. Initially it seems as if it’s just two opposites that attract, intense and passionate, but it’s runs much deeper than that. And ultimately, it is the narcissist who pulls the empath down into the rabbit hole of their toxic love. And yet the pattern persists, the empath always seems to fall for the wounded narcissist and the question of ‘why’ goes unanswered.
It’s a difficult pattern to understand because your average person would think “narcissist” and run. It’s general knowledge that a narcissistic partner means a one sided love, the epitome of give an inch take a mile, con artists and compulsive liars. All of which is true, but the mind of an empath is much more complex than to stop there.
A narcissist is someone who has perfected the craft of lying to the point where it’s most likely normal and unconscious to them. As a result, they’re constantly accusing their partners of cheating or lying and are suspicious for no apparent reason. They struggle with taking responsibility for their actions and instead find every reason to blame other people.
But the thing about empaths is they don’t see narcissists as what they are, they see them as ‘broken’ and ‘fixable.’ They see every fault of a narcissist and find a way to love it a little harder. They see a narcissists accusations of cheating and lying as their insecurities shining through, that in their past they must’ve had a heartbreak so painful that now they’re scarred. They think they’re in need of growing up, of someone to help guide them and show them how to take responsibility for their actions.
An empath would never push away a person because they’re broken, instead they would work every day to help them heal and piece them back together.
Empaths have hearts of gold that are constantly putting others needs before their own. Without even realizing it, they will throwing away their own well-being to sacrifice for this person who does nothing but drain them. They’re convinced this is love and what they’re doing will help in the long run. Empaths are givers with the best intentions, genuine and loving in their nature, and the completely unaware that the challenge ahead of them is unfixable.
Empaths are always searching for the good in every soul they meet, that’s why when they cross paths with a narcissist it’s no different. They will give their narcissistic partner the benefit of the doubt more times than they can keep count of. Forgiving them constantly because they truly believe they are just broken souls in need of a love so intense that they make it through this ‘funk’ they’re in.
But the fact of the matter is that a narcissist is a dead end, cureless personality disorder that no amount of love could change. It won’t be an immediate comprehension, as the empath won’t allow themselves to give up, but slowly the narcissist will prove their inability and resistance to change.
The narcissist will exhaust the empath with their constant need to be the center of attention and their failure to reciprocate the love given to them. A narcissist is never satisfied, ever, and sadly, the empath will come to realize this.
So why does the empath always seem to fall for the wounded narcissist? Because they’re good, decent people who were placed on this earth to help others. They are fixers who see a broken person and try to heal them. But unfortunately, a narcissist is too big of a problem for one person to solve.
When I tell you I want to know all of you, I hope you know I mean it from the bottom of my heart. We all have a past, some worse than others, but regardless of yours I want to know everything. Especially the parts you tried to throw away– you know, the parts you convinced yourself no one could ever love, because those are the ones I’ll love a little extra.
I am not proud of my past but it has helped me understand who I was and who I don’t want to be. The past can serve a positive purpose if we want a better future. I am here in the present and have no ties to your past. I am not your past.
I want to understand you by where you came from and how you got to where you are now. I want to travel that journey with you, but you need to trust me.
I know it may be hard for you to believe but I’m not here to hurt you. It’s hard for me to trust you and have faith in you too, but I am. I just want you to know that I’m willing to wait until you’re comfortable enough with me to show me your life, past and present.
Please remember that I’m not going to judge you or criticize you. I’m not going to use it against you in any way, shape or form. I promise not to ever throw your past or current life in your face in the heat of a moment.
I know it’s going to take some time to open up to me and I’m okay with that, just because I’m an open book doesn’t mean everyone else is too.
You get worried and anxious about certain behaviors and actions because it reminds you of bad parts of your past. But I’m not part of that and you really need to stop associating me with your past, I am not your old friends and ex girlfriends. And from the sounds of it, I’m glad I’m not.
I’m your present and you’re my present. It’s called “present” for a reason, because it’s a gift. Today, you are one of the gifts I am so grateful to have in my life.
You need to leave the past where it is and either bury it or close the chapter on that part of your life. You say you don’t trust people and have a hard time opening up to people because of bad memories and pain you went through.
How can I prove to you and help you understand that you can trust me? How else can I show you that all I want is for you to be happy and to be happy in whatever you want to call “us”? I say it like that because it’s never been talked about but we both know we’re more than friends.
You will always be my friend first. I need you to know that I only want the best for you and that I am here simply because you’re you. I do not want to cause chaos or drama in your life. I want to bring happiness, joy, comfort and be your safe haven when you are down and out.
Please start trusting me. Try to open up to me more. I can only understand you if you let me in, even the slightest. It’s hard to give someone the benefit of the doubt when you’ve been burned in the past, but I’m asking you to take a chance on me. I know I’m worth it and I hope at some point, you’re able to see it. I truly want you to know that my purpose is not to cause harm or bring pain.
So please trust me and believe me when I say I have your best interest at heart. It kills me to know the pain and hurt you’ve been through but I want to be the one to replace those times with positive and happy memories. If you let me in, you will see my heart is pure as gold and that I wouldn’t hurt you.
If you give me the chance, I will show you how you deserve to be treated. You deserve kindness, peace, love and admiration but above all, you deserve to be treated with respect and equality. You deserve someone who values your opinion and someone who will battle beside you to overcome any challenge or problem that comes your way.
And lastly, you deserve to be treated like the amazing and beautiful person you are on the inside and out. You are loving, caring and compassionate and you deserve the same love and compassion in return. And I will gladly do that if you give me the chance. Thank you for being an inspiration in my life and for showing me that not everyone in the world is going to hurt me. You truly have been a blessing in my life and I hope it continues.
I know it seems like I come with a lot of baggage. I’ve been through my share of shitty relationships. People have tried to kick me down time and time again.
One thing I can be sure of is you won’t regret taking a chance on me. I promise.
I will be difficult more often than not. I will be stubborn at times. But I will compromise on most things and you will always be a priority to me.
I love hard. I love deeply. I love unconditionally and selflessly. You can’t find that in everyone you meet. So cherish it.
I have braved through many storms, even hurricanes. And guess what? I am still here stronger and more fearless than before.
It won’t be easy. No real love is easy. It takes effort and devotion. It takes work. But I’m willing to work at it every day as long as you are.
I don’t give up. I will never give up so long as you don’t give up on yourself. I can carry myself and us, you just need to focus on you and I got the rest. Trust me on that.
There will be times I am overly sensitive or super emotional. Please don’t turn your back on me during these times. Just know a hug and a kiss on the forehead is enough for me.
I don’t need fancy things. I don’t care for presents. I just want to be in the moment with you and making memories.
I will want to take a million pictures with you. It doesn’t matter where we are because I will remember the memories. It may get annoying to you, but it’s all in good fun and serves a purpose.
I have insecurities. While I am secure in my own skin, these may arise here and there. My insecurities may seem crazy to you but all you need to do is reassure me every now and again that it’s me and you.
If you stop showing me you care or that you love me, I will walk away. I know my worth and it is within myself, not you. If you don’t show appreciation or gratitude for the everyday things, I will walk.
I want someone to come home to and talk about our days and genuinely care. I don’t want it to become routine and forced.
I don’t want you or myself to become too comfortable. I want to date you and be your significant other while living together and being best friends.
I want date nights and intimacy. I want romance and adventure. I want to try new things and vice-versa. I want you to be as willing as I am to grow as a couple as well as individually.
I may be 50 shades of messy. I may piss you off. I may annoy you. Despite all of that, I just want you to not give up on me and to fight for us every day.
I am done with having one foot in and the other one out. The same has to go for you also. I’m willing to hold your hand and take that jump into the water with you.
If you do, I promise you that we will make it and we will grow stronger each and every day.