What You Need To Know About Healing From Heartbreak

At one time or another, many of us are going to have our hearts crushed by someone else. You’ll feel as if someone literally punched you in the gut. You may feel betrayed, lost or hopeless for quite some time. And I’m sorry you feel those things because it sucks. Take what I’ve learned and had to endure for what not to do when you’re heart has been stomped on.

My ex-fiancé and I were having our issues but never was it communicated or hinted that wewere on the verge of breaking up. In hindsight, my ex-fiancés actions and distance from me should have been a clue or two.

At the age of 30, I had to move back in with my parents after my ex walked out and left me high and dry without a word. I was devastated, humiliated and ashamed. My world and everything in it came crashing down in the snap of a finger.

After my ex left, I waited at “our” home for a few weeks, hoping and wishing he would come back. He didn’t. When I realized he wasn’t coming back, I attempted to end my life. Thankfully I have an amazing family who found me and helped me accept that it was time to leave and start the grieving process.

To this day, I am still processing what happened in that relationship as well as what I have and have not done to truly make it a part of my past as well as a learning experience for the future. The following list is what and what not to do after you have had your heart broken. It is my hope that this will help save you from making mistakes so you can focus solely on the process of letting go and moving on.

You do not need to distract yourself

The last thing you need is something to distract you from heartbreak. You need to process what happened and grieve the loss of someone who was in your life and I assume was very important to you. The last thing you need are unresolved feelings that will affect your future relationships.

I thought I needed to distract myself and I got nothing out of it. For me, I needed to prove (to no one in particular) that I was worthy and deserving. I started talking to different guys and ended up being in a “relationship” with one of them, if you can even call it that. The person I was with was absolutely awful. I think he was overall just not a good person. I think I stayed so long because I felt I wasn’t deserving of anything so proving my worth to whoever didn’t quite work out as I had planned.

The problem with distracting yourself is that you never heal the wounds of the past and they carry over into your current life. You need to feel the wide range of emotions you’ll feel if you ever have your heart broken. Distraction is only delaying the inevitable truth that you are going to have to deal with the breakup and heartbreak at some point so might as well do it now than later.

Allow yourself time to grieve

I know there are some people that do not fully understand what it means to grieve someone who is alive. Grief is commonly associated with death. According to dictionary.com, grief is “keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret,”. So, many of us attribute grief with the death of a loved one because that’s the only type of grief we grew up knowing.

In order to process the separation, you can think of grieving the loss of a loved one because even though they may be alive, they have departed your life and are no longer a part of it. Just by acknowledging it takes you one step further than you were a second ago. Acceptance is the harder part of working through the heartbreak but in my opinion, acceptance is an everyday type of thing.

Analyze the relationship

You’re dealing with the heartbreak of a relationship ending and now you’re probably thinking “why the hell would I want to do that”? This right here is taking a sucky situation and making it a learning experience so at least you get something out of it.

Go over what you did right and what you did wrong. Be sure to include what they did right and wrong. It’ll give you insight into why things didn’t work out and what things you won’t bring into the next relationship you’re in. It will also help you define things you want and don’t want in relationships as well as things you are willing to compromise on and things you won’t compromise on.

Do not call, text or social media stalk your ex

I cannot stress this enough because I’ve been in this place and it has made me resent social media and can’t enjoy using it as I once did. You do not need to know what the other person is doing, who they are with, how they are doing or anything of that sort. If you decide to accidentally stumble upon their Facebook page, ask yourself if they are wondering how you are doing or if they care what you are doing. I am not sorry for being blunt but it is something you need to ask yourself from time to time.

You do not need to know anything related to that person anymore and frankly, it is none of your business.

So, I used to go on my ex’s Facebook page to see if he had changed his profile picture or to see what or if he posted since the last time I was stalking his page. Let me tell you that I was not fond of seeing the picture of him and his new girlfriend the last time I ever went on his Facebook page. It didn’t make me feel good so why did I even go on in the first place?

I recommend blocking them on all social media platforms and your phones. You already feel crappy enough about the situation so why make it anymore crappy or difficult to deal with? It makes no sense to add fuel to that fire.

Final Words

While I could probably go on and on about what and what not to do during heartbreak, I’d rather provide you with the most crucial and critical things that helped me get to a point of acceptance and healing.

After my ex left, I became very bitter and resentful and not just toward him but everyone and everything in my life. It was unhealthy and led me down a scary path for a while. It was a lonely, dark and scary place to be in during that time.

The party isn’t fun when you’re locked inside of your room being pissed at the world. The world didn’t do this to you. It’s an unfortunate part of life most of us have to go through. The important part of the equation is which of you will take the time to heal or ignore it and have a lifetime of unhealthy relationships.

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You No Longer Hold Me Prisoner

It had been several years since I saw your face. I think I tricked myself into believing you would be gone for good. But it’s almost like you’re lurking in the bushes waiting for the moment I show an ounce of vulnerability to strike. Will I ever be able to let my guard down without looking over my shoulder?

You’re like a never ending nightmare that I can’t wake up from. It doesn’t matter how loud I scream and pound on things, nothing will wake me up and you are always there. There are times when I feel you watching me while I’m sleeping. Your presence lingers and is never too far away.

Just when I start to think you have finally moved on or forgotten about me, you show up randomly. It’s like you’re letting me know you’re still around. It’s as if you know when I’m starting to feel better that you’ve been gone for a while and show up just to let it be known you’re around.

I don’t care about you or for you. I would love nothing more than for you to be out of my life permanently. You bring nothing but drama and chaos to my life. You have already made is extremely difficult for me to trust people let alone date without the fear or possibility you’ll show up and scare them away. And I can’t blame them for being scared even though I’m not. No one wants your drama in their lives including me.

Unfortunately, you are part of my past and I have to live with the consequences but no one else has to. I always wonder why you come back every so often and then I realize who I’m dealing with. A narcissistic sociopath who will continue to try and ruin my life as if the trauma from the past wasn’t enough.

You stared me straight in the eyes with such anger and rage. I can’t say I missed those looks nor deserved them. Every horrific and painful experience of your physical and emotional abuse suddenly came rushing to the forefront of my mind. I haven’t been able to get them out of my head since I saw you.

I felt sick to my stomach when I saw you. It was like my stomach turned into knots causing me to feel physically sick and nauseated. I quickly looked away, hoping you wouldn’t notice me as I changed my whole appearance because of you.

I changed my hair color and style. I changed my style of clothes. I wear sunglasses all the time. I avoid places I know you may be or show up at. And I was successful in avoiding you up until recently. Don’t you remember that I left you for a reason?

Do you remember the last time you saw me? You were holding a gun to my head. You had stole my personal and work cell phones on top of stealing my computer so I had no way of communicating with anyone. I had one moment to run like hell or stay and be held captive in your prison hell. I chose to book it and leave it up to the man upstairs to determine my fate.

I’m still alive, doing better and feeling much better than I ever have. Even though your shadows still haunt me in the night, today I have chosen to live peacefully and freely. Today I know that you are a sick, sick individual and that I have no control or power over your actions and behaviors. I can only control mine and how I react to things.

The day I left, fate was on my side. I have a bigger purpose to serve in this life and no one will prevent me from serving that purpose. You may have beaten me down temporarily, but because of you, I am stronger and wiser today. I am more aware and mindful of people and things. I found an inner peace I never thought was possible.

I can only hope you find same peace and joy I have found. You continue losing battles with your inner demons because you’re too fearful of becoming fully aware of the damage and trauma you caused me and others. I wish you find the strength and courage to face your demons and become aware so you are able to do right from here on out. Thanks to you, I’ve been able to defeat my inner demons and do right for myself and for others.

I can’t allow you to have this type of grip on my life anymore than it has already. I deserve peace and happiness and just because of the torturous things you did to me, doesn’t mean I have to let it affect my daily life. It ends today.

Fear will no longer be a part of my everyday life. Seeing you may have brought up the cruel and inhumane things you did to me, but thankfully I have grown enough to know that’s all they are, memories of the past that has shaped me to be the warrior I am today.

The Ultimate Self-Care List for Everyone

Self-care is something that many of us don’t do enough of. I’ll admit that I have been slacking in the self-care department recently. I am going to work on that and now that this mega-list of ideas and activities is out there, I am hoping you can also work on your self-care.

Not every activity or idea is going to be for everyone. Pick and choose what you want. You do not have to do them all.

  • Watch your favorite movie
  • Go for a walk without your phone
  • Turn off your phone for a few hours
  • Take a bath or bubble bath
  • Do something you’ve always wanted to do for the first time
  • Read a good book
  • Take a nap
  • Get into some comfy clothes
  • Binge watch your favorite show on Netflix
  • Spend time with a friend or family member
  • Write down a list of things you are thankful for
  • Take time to be alone, away from other people
  • List 10 things you are grateful for
  • Unfollow negative people on social media
  • Write in a journal
  • Color in a coloring book
  • Play a board game
  • Get a mani/pedi
  • Go braless!
  • Call someone and check in
  • Create positive affirmations for yourself
  • Write yourself a love letter
  • Do something you love
  • Listen to music
  • Buy yourself something
  • Write a thank you letter or note to someone
  • Do some deep breathing
  • Write down 5 things you love about yourself
  • De-clutter something
  • Buy yourself flowers
  • Take a class for fun
  • Do a fun craft
  • Set up a boundary list for people in your life
  • Plan a mini staycation
  • Create a self-love jar or box
  • Go on a date – either with yourself or someone else
  • Watch the sunset or sunrise
  • Write down some things you have learned about yourself the past year
  • Plan a movie night
  • Sleep in on the weekend
  • Organize your closet
  • Try a new recipe
  • Do something that you’ve been putting off for a while
  • Slow down and be present
  • Treat yourself to your favorite dessert
  • Go to a museum
  • Watch a stand-up comedy show
  • Make a playlist of your favorite songs at the moment
  • Go to your favorite coffee shop and get your favorite kind
  • Spend some time in the sun
  • Get your hair done
  • Play with a pet (obviously if you have one)
  • Have a spa day
  • Play a sport
  • Go to a sporting event
  • Go for a long drive
  • Paint something
  • Bake something
  • Shop for a new outfit
  • Engage in a complete random act of kindness
  • Get a massage
  • Order your favorite takeout food
  • Go swimming
  • Write a poem
  • Watch the stars at night
  • Go to the library
  • Go to the park
  • Ride a bike
  • Read a self-improvement book
  • Listen to a new podcast
  • Create a bucket list
  • Visit somewhere new, anywhere!
  • Read inspirational quotes
  • Complete a simple reflection of your life
  • Unplug from social media
  • Make future plans for an event or something you’re excited about
  • Do yoga
  • No feeling guilty for turning down plans
  • Remind yourself that this too shall pass
  • Visit your favorite place around you
  • Identify and write down activities and things that you enjoy
  • Do not force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do
  • Take a day off of work if you need to
  • Go on a hike
  • Start a home improvement project
  • Do breathing exercises
  • Take a new fitness class
  • Go to see live music
  • Have a picnic
  • Say no to something
  • Go dancing!
  • Participate in guided meditation
  • Browse a bookstore
  • Go out and get some ice cream
  • Try a new craft beer
  • Volunteer at a place by you
  • Take a long shower
  • Look at pictures and reminisce about the good memories
  • Visit a winery
  • Buy a small gift for someone
  • Make a list of what makes you happy
  • Burn your favorite scented candle
  • Go to the beach
  • Pick a guilty pleasure and indulge it every so often
  • Visit an art gallery
  • Close your eyes for 5-10 minutes
  • Get dressed up for no reason
  • Take a walk in the forest
  • Give yourself a pep talk
  • Make a present for a friend
  • Make funny faces
  • Run outside when it’s raining
  • Re-purpose some old clothes
  • Set a realistic challenge for yourself for the next day
  • Rearrange some furniture
  • Have a candlelit dinner
  • Put your feet up for a night
  • Organize your workspace
  • Start a spare piggy pank
  • Be mindful of current feelings and emotions
  • Create a new Pinterest board
  • Sell some second hand stuff online
  • Pop some bubble wrap
  • Literally stop and smell the flowers
  • End a toxic relationship
  • Hire/get a life coach
  • Get a good night’s sleep
  • Drive around and sing in the car
  • Say “I love you” to yourself in the mirror
  • Forgive yourself
  • Give yourself permission to do absolutely nothing
  • Have a good cry (we all need a good cry every once in a while)
  • Play with stickers
  • Get your favorite stuffed animal or cuddle buddy and snuggle
  • Read some pick me up blogs
  • Write or type a short story
  • Do a crossword puzzle or some other puzzle type game
  • Start a blog
  • Cancel some subscriptions you are no longer using
  • Make a list of at least 10 things you want to do by the time the year is over
  • Take some pictures of anything your heart desires
  • Say “fuck it” to anything that is not contributing to your self-care
  • Watch funny videos on YouTube
  • Look at funny memes
  • Get a personal growth tarot reading
  • Get your groceries delivered
  • Eat cake for breakfast
  • Diffuse essential oils
  • Go through a stretching routine
  • Go on a retreat
  • Replace every negative thought with a positive one
  • Go to the ballet, theatre or comedy show
  • Celebrate a small achievement
  • Host a charity or something related fundraiser
  • Slow down
  • Go to a petting zoo or farm

There you have it ladies and gentleman! These are activities that should be recurrent whether it’s once a month or once a week. Some of the ideas and activities more than others, obviously. I truly believe that if you engage in just a little self-care, your overall mood and happiness will increase. I’m willing to try any challenges readers may have or if they just need someone to check in with!

Things To Know Before Falling for the Dive Head First Sassy Girl

I’m warning you, she’ll be challenging but in all the good ways. She will test your limits to see how far she can push. But please know her intention is not to hurt you. She just needs to know if you’re staying or going.

She’s a sassy little lady with a heart of gold but she doesn’t tolerate bullshit. She doesn’t do drama or chaos. Some of it is inevitable but if it becomes habitual, she’ll walk out the door so fast the door won’t have a chance to hit her ass on the way out.

Her sass mouth combined with her “I don’t give a fuck” attitude could get you into some trouble but all in good fun. Her “you can’t phase me” exterior is there to protect her vulnerable and big heart. She needs to know you’re diving in with her if she’s going to allow that part of her to show.

She’s the ride or die chick that asks questions later. She will always be down for you as long as you’re real with her. She’ll do anything and everything in her power and control for you as long as you’re honest and loyal.

Sure, she can be overly sensitive and emotional but that’s only because she’s passionate about everything in her life. If you’re lucky to be in her life and remain there, you’ll see that in no time. And that includes you.

She falls fast but she loves deeply and unconditionally. Love has no limits and has no boundaries. Her love is pure and real once you get it. She’s honest and loyal to a fault at times.

She doesn’t require a lot. She’s not a fan of presents or gifts because she’d take moments and memories over gifts every time. She’ll cherish every moment and take advantage of creating something beautiful out of those moments.

She will show you every single day and every single moment she can how important you are and the love she has for you. She will make an effort each and every day to show you her appreciation and love.

If you ever find yourself lost on your journey, she’ll be there to help you and hold down the relationship until you’re back on track. When she’s committed, she’s in 110% no questions asked.

Divorce isn’t an option for her. She’d rather stay single the rest of her life than give up on someone she loves. If you’re angry with her or hurt about something she did or said, take your sweet ass to the couch (or she’ll go since she’s little and fun size) and you’ll hash it out tomorrow.

You’ll never have to question or doubt her love and loyalty because she’ll show you every day how committed she is to you and us. No matter what, she’ll always have your back and you’ll always have a partner in crime.

If You Treated People as if They Would Be Gone Tomorrow, How Would It Look?

I’m sick and tired of shitty people. I’m sick of douchebags and users. I’m tired of selfish pricks. I do everything in my power not to hurt people or be mean to people. Isn’t that common? I have found out that it’s really not.

I want everyone to really think about this. If someone is very sick or prognosis is really bad, we tend to be overly kind or helpful. Think about whether or not you would pick up their phone call or not answer and say to yourself “I’ll call them back later”.

How would you treat this person, who has until tomorrow to live, or would you not treat them differently?

I know I’m not perfect and I’d treat that person a lot more fragile and I’d be nicer. Things that I may question or procrastinate on for a friend would not be how I treated someone if they were dying the next day.

I wouldn’t allow them to get up or expend too much energy. I’d get whatever it was they wanted or needed. I’d just be there for that person in anyway I was able to be.

I would be careful not to hurt their feelings. I would ask whether or not they wanted to talk about what was going to happen or not so I didn’t continually mention it and irritate the person.

I would answer their phone calls and texts without question. There wouldn’t be “I’m too busy” because really, when it comes to someone’s life, I’m not too busy ever. If the person asked me to do them a favor, I would.

There may be times in my life right now that I question whether or not to do something for someone. But if that person asked me and I knew they were going to die the next day, I would do it in the snap of a finger.

I would obviously treat them kindly. I’m a kind person in general. I would be empathetic and try to imagine what that person is going through.

I would ask the person if there was anything specific they wanted to do or see. Maybe they want to see a movie or visit a special place. I’d make sure to do what I could for that person who dies tomorrow.

So, how would you be different if you knew a friend or acquaintance was going to die the next day? Would it phase you? Would you not really think you had to treat them differently? Would you be nicer to that person or act the same as you always do?

Thinking about this has got me real emotional and kind of sad. It makes me believe if we approached everyone we know and meet in this way, things would be different.

I think many of the people in the world would be more aware of their actions and behaviors and how they affect others. I also think many would be nicer and care more if we acted as if someone we know or are friends with we’re going to die the next day.

I believe we would take that extra step to do everything in our power not to hurt people. I know I personally would. I definitely know I’d be more careful with my words and my actions so I don’t offend anyone.

Some people are just so self-absorbed in the world that they fail to see how they may be impacting or influencing someone’s life. They can’t see or aren’t aware that their actions and behaviors can negatively affect another person nor do they understand how it may affect them.

I just think people would be more careful and aware of how they act and behave. The world may be a better place to live in if we approached everyone as if they are dead tomorrow. It wouldn’t feel so cold and lonely.

None of us are promised or guaranteed tomorrow. Anything can happen to any one of us at any given time. So, why not treat people as if they know they’re going to die tomorrow? That person may not be around tomorrow. And that’s the reality of the matter.