“You Don’t Look Sick,” and You Don’t Look Ignorant

I used to be the girl who never wore make up and could walk into a room full of people with no problem. I had next to perfect skin and a smile to match. Unfortunately, life happens and things change as quickly as my health did. Now I’m the girl who takes hours to get ready, just trying to look somewhat decent and function as a regular human being.

So who are you to say I don’t “look sick?” I wasn’t asking for your unsolicited opinion about how I look. And just by seeing my face, hair and the clothing I wear doesn’t mean you know anything about how I feel or what my body goes through on a daily basis.

You can’t see my legs, feet or back to see the damage that has been done due to my health. You also can’t feel the pounding in my head as if I’m getting hit with a baseball bat to the head over and over again.

You don’t even come close to feeling the pain and weakness in my hands and wrists I suffer through all day. You don’t see the bruising on my legs and arms from the anemia. You don’t see my feet and how it feels like I’m walking on pins and needles that are on fire from the peripheral neuropathy I suffer from.

You don’t know the brain fog or memory loss I’ve suffered from a rare neurological condition. You don’t know the multiple vitamin deficiencies I have because I can’t absorb vitamins like you.

It’s much easier to judge someone than to try and feel their pain. Saying “you don’t look sick” doesn’t make me feel any better about the health conditions I have.

Despite my health issues, the real struggle is learning to adapt to everyday life. The real struggle is my head telling my body to do something that I can no longer do.

The real struggle is learning that people are not always going to stand by my side through this difficult time. I’ve had more people than I can count walk out of my life because they either thought I’d hold them back in life or because I couldn’t physically do the things they wanted to do.

The emotional and mental aspects of health issues is equally if not more of a struggle. It’s a vicious cycle of health issues that worsen because of depression and anxiety.

Also, when diagnosed with health conditions, no one really tells you that you become a burden to friends. Or that significant others start to feel like you’re holding them back. That becomes a reality for some people and maybe not for others, but for the ones it does happen to, it’s a double whammy of shit you have to deal with.

Ignorance isn’t visible to the human eye either. Every time you tell someone they don’t look sick or judge a younger person for using a handicap sticker, you’re part of the ignorance problem so many have in this world.

You don’t know anyone’s struggle or what they’re battling at the time. It’s not your place to judge them or tell them ‘they don’t look sick.’ So many people are fighting daily battles both physically and mentally so who gave you the right to judge?

The next time someone says ‘you don’t look sick’, I will respond with ‘you don’t look ignorant, but looks are deceiving’. This is for all of my warriors who fight everyday to live despite the limitations we face. You all are the true warriors in this life.

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Don’t Let Anyone Dull Your Sparkle

She spent a long time rebuilding herself because an emotionally abusive person knocked her down and made her feel less than. She’s got a heart of gold but she still has insecurities and bad days where she feels awful about herself. Her heart was broken to pieces when he took advantage of her good heart.

He fucked with her emotions. He acted as if he was the sweetest most loving person when really, he was a fake and a phony. He said all of the right things and fed off of her insecurities like a pro. What satisfaction does that give him? Did he enjoy every last minute until the time he decided he was done with her?

She did confide in him about many things and she thought he confided in her as well but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Why did he have sex with her and stop talking to her not even 24 hours after? She just needs to know what happened, She wants closure. If he had a change of heart or feelings changed, she still deserves to know for her own peace of mind.

She gave her heart to him because he made her believe he was real. He made indirect comments about being her boyfriend. She thought you guys had a blast together the times you went out. So, what was it? Was she too good to be true? Well, she is real and most definitely too good for him.

Suddenly walking away like he did fucked with her self-esteem and self worth. She told him time and time again that she was nervous and self-conscious about her herself and all he said was “you’re beautiful and amazing,” That was a lie. Was anything he said remotely close to the truth? Or was the whole thing about getting laid?

Anyone who does that is a disgusting and disgraceful excuse for a human being. He has no problems sleeping at night knowing he’s intentionally hurting people’s feelings.

She is lying awake playing everything back in her mind to see where or what could have gone wrong. She comes up with nothing. She cries and cries and is beating herself up because she feels used and manipulated. She is physically sick to her stomach because she can’t fathom how a person could take such a precious girl and damage what she worked so hard to piece back together.

She thinks that everything he ever told her was a blatant lie. He played an expert role when it came to being the insecure, lost little boy. It’s almost as if it was an unconscious thing to do. The thing is, she wouldn’t have ran away had he been honest about things. Because she would have had his back when everyone else turned theirs on him.

He can’t just blow it with the one girl who would always put him first and herself second. Or at least give an explanation as to why he got up and left without a word. Her feelings matter and she deserves an explanation. She doesn’t deserve to be beating herself up because he’s a shitty person.

She is awesome and amazing and losing her will be his biggest regret. She’s so much more than what he sees but that’s ok. She made a promise to herself that no one would ever dull her sparkle again.

5 Songs For When You Need to Reclaim Your Strength

I don’t ever know the right things to say to others nor do I always know how to describe what I am feeling or thinking. Music is there for me in those times. Lyrics help me feel not so alone and that someone else gets me.

If you’re struggling with something right now, listen to these songs. They’re motivating, relatable and have the power to give you the strength you need to get through shit.

1. Eminem – Beautiful Pain

This is probably one of the most beautiful and well thought out song I’ve ever heard. The overall message the song sends is uplifting, hopeful, encouraging and motivating.

“Never looking back, may hit the curb, but everyday is a new learning curve, as you steer through life, sometimes you might not wanna swerve but you have to, to avert a disaster, lucky no permanent damage,”.

We all go through rough times in our lives and I think it’s important to remember that everything we experience is an opportunity to learn, change and grow as a person. He’s basically saying that there everyday we are alive is a learning experience, even when the outcome is not what we hoped, wanted or planned.

2. Demi Lovato – Warrior

In the beginning of the song, she talks about someone stealing the light inside of her and how she’s confused and ashamed. By the end of the song, she’s a warrior with thicker skin. She’s a warrior with protection made of steel so this person can’t hurt her again.

“Now I’m taking back my life today. Nothing left that you can say. Cause you are never gonna take the blame anyway,”.

She takes a stand for her life and vows to do everything in her power to not let that person hurt her ever again. And that person won’t be able to hurt her again because she is now a warrior.

3. Shinedown – For My Sake

This song is simply amazing. It’s pretty straightforward and to the point. He is saying that he’s done being unappreciated and treated poorly. He’s taking a stand for himself and telling that person there’s nothing left between them and will not look back, for his sake.

“I’m taking you on, I’m calling you out, there’s nothing left for us here now, let’s be honest, I promise, I’m never looking back. For my sake. For my sake,”.

He is calling someone out on the way that person treated him or lied to him or both. He’s taking a stand for himself. He is calling it quits with this person because all this person is doing is hindering his ability to progress in his life.

4. Shinedown – How Did You Love

Do you ever think about what you leave behind when you die? How did you treat people? How will people remember you? The song is about how you lived your life from the time you were born to the time you die. It really makes you think about what you’ve done and what you can do in the present moment.

“How we forget ourselves, lose our way from the cradle to the grave. You can replicate or duplicate, gotta find your own way. This ain’t no cross to bury. We are the judge and jury. We are the judge and jury,”.

You don’t get a say in how people think about you. You don’t get to judge your own life after you’re gone. The judge and jury are those who knew you and the person you were. You do have a say in how you live your life right now. So, are you going to strive to be a better person each day or are you going to be hateful or negative? You get to decide that now, while you’re alive.

5. Kesha – Learn To Let It Go

The title of the song pretty much explains what she is saying. She’s expressing the importance of the past but to not allow your past to define who you are today. We’ve all been through our fair share of shitty experiences but the song relays the message that holding on to the past and resentments we hold are poisonous and restrict us from growing and moving on.

“Life ain’t always fair, but hell is living in resentment. Choose redemption. Your happy ending’s up to you,”.

You can either live in hell with your resentments and anger toward past situations or people that were in your life or you can save yourself and be happy by letting it go. The choice is yours.

6. Kesha – Praying

This is my current theme song for those who put me through hell. The message is about finding peace in rather hopeless moments. It’s also about forgiving those who have wronged you as a way to free yourself, grow as a person and build your strength.

“I had to learn how to fight for myself. And we both know all the truth I could tell. I’ll just say this is I wish you farewell. I hope you’re somewhere, praying. Praying. I hope your soul is changing. Changing. I hope you find your peace. Fallin’ on your knees, praying,”.

The song paints a picture of forgiving rather than hating. Even though there is information she could use against another, she just wishes him farewell and hopes the person is changing their ways. That is what forgiveness is all about.

There are so many songs and lyrics that help during rough times but these 5 I couldn’t get through things without. Music and lyrics mean everything to me and I listen very carefully for the meaning. Lyrics are there for times when we’re speechless or don’t know how to word things.

Just Because You’re Living With Your Parents Doesn’t Mean You’re Not Succeeding in Life

After having been on our own, most do not want to go back to living with their parents. There’s a sense of individuality you feel at risk of losing. The freedom and ability to be by yourself or spend time alone are coming to an end. But not really.

First, you need be grateful you even have the opportunity to move back to your parents. Not everyone does.

Try to think of it in a positive light and think of the things you’ll be able to do when you move back. Maybe it is working on your finances to make sure you’re financially educated when you move out again. Whatever the case may be, approach it with a badass attitude. You’ve already proven yourself that you can make it on your own so you got this.

Yes, It’ll be a challenge but well worth it, so drill this into your head every chance you get, it’s an opportunity rather than a setback. Don’t allow yourself to cause negativity in your mind.

Some parents are overbearing and others are more avoidant but having time to bond with your parents no matter what type of relationship you have with them is priceless. You’re lucky you even have parents to go back to, so take this time to savor every moment with them.

You being at your parents for a while can also give you a chance to downsize and get rid of things you’ve been hoarding over the years. Less is better, so try it out and you’ll see how you start appreciating the little things even more.

If we all took a step back and thought about others and how their circumstances may be worse, it helps put things into perspective a little bit. Perspective is sometimes what we need in order to be more in touch with those things that really matter in our life. You’re just starting a new chapter in your life, so this new experience will boost your resilience, which down the line will help you overcome any future obstacle.

This is also an opportunity to show your parents on a daily basis how much you’ve grown as a person. Parents love to see how far you’ve grown. The best gift you can give your parents is to show them how good of a job they did with you.

You have control over what this opportunity can be for you, it can definitely be a positive turning point in your life. Think about it in a way that enhances your life and makes it better.

Understand that this isn’t the worst thing in life to happen and that it is temporary, so cheer up and go make the best of it.

You May Not Have Thought I Was Worth It, But Someone Will

You may not have thought I was worth the fight. Well, obviously you didn’t because we wouldn’t be where we are right now if you did. I put my worth in the hands of you, a miserable and condescending douche, so I should have known my worth was next to nothing to you. You’re loss. Someone will see my worth and treat me as such.

Every time I brought up my feelings about something or that I was upset, you immediately went on the defense and blamed me. You’re lack of acknowledgment was telling enough of how much you thought I was worth.

You ignored anything I was going through and found something to make it about you. And when you did that, I actually sat there and listened and comforted you as a good girlfriend would. But in hindsight, you didn’t give a shit about anything I went through or any of the struggles I conquered everyday. That says what you thought I was worth. Nothing.

You said I was overreacting and overly sensitive. You said I was reading into things too much. But turns out, I wasn’t. I wasn’t worth the conversation when you decided to up and leave. Goes to show my worth to you throughout the entire relationship.

You never had my back. I was fighting battles that your friends and family started with me while you sat on the sidelines and watched as if it were a match. I wasn’t worth defending in your eyes.

Because of the hell you put me through, I am now the one and only holder of my worth. I have defined my worth and no one will ever be in charge of that again. Side note, it was you that wasn’t worth it.

Someone will appreciate my sarcasm and brutal honesty. Someone will notice the small things I do for them on a consistent basis. You never did and for that, you didn’t deserve me.

There is someone out there who will be able to see past my mistakes and help me instead of throw me to the curb. Someone won’t judge my past or my background and see me for the strong and passionate person I am. You couldn’t see that and clearly it wasn’t worth it to see. But it will be to someone. You’re loss again, buddy.

You’ll never find someone as chill and laid back as me. You’ll never find someone who thinks the world of you and would put you over their own issues any day.

I am for sure worth more than you ever cared to realize. I was the one who was too good for you. You didn’t deserve me or anything I gave you materialistically or emotionally.

So, thanks to you, I’ll never settle for “okay”. I deserve much, much more than I ever gave myself credit for. But because you treated me like a worthless piece of shit, I was able to find my worth from within.

In the end, I ended up gaining so much more without you in my life then when you were in it. My worth is mine to define and you no longer have the hold on my worth. I’ve released myself from it and will never let it into the hands of another again.