You May Not Have Thought I Was Worth It, But Someone Will

You may not have thought I was worth the fight. Well, obviously you didn’t because we wouldn’t be where we are right now if you did. I put my worth in the hands of you, a miserable and condescending douche, so I should have known my worth was next to nothing to you. You’re loss. Someone will see my worth and treat me as such.

Every time I brought up my feelings about something or that I was upset, you immediately went on the defense and blamed me. You’re lack of acknowledgment was telling enough of how much you thought I was worth.

You ignored anything I was going through and found something to make it about you. And when you did that, I actually sat there and listened and comforted you as a good girlfriend would. But in hindsight, you didn’t give a shit about anything I went through or any of the struggles I conquered everyday. That says what you thought I was worth. Nothing.

You said I was overreacting and overly sensitive. You said I was reading into things too much. But turns out, I wasn’t. I wasn’t worth the conversation when you decided to up and leave. Goes to show my worth to you throughout the entire relationship.

You never had my back. I was fighting battles that your friends and family started with me while you sat on the sidelines and watched as if it were a match. I wasn’t worth defending in your eyes.

Because of the hell you put me through, I am now the one and only holder of my worth. I have defined my worth and no one will ever be in charge of that again. Side note, it was you that wasn’t worth it.

Someone will appreciate my sarcasm and brutal honesty. Someone will notice the small things I do for them on a consistent basis. You never did and for that, you didn’t deserve me.

There is someone out there who will be able to see past my mistakes and help me instead of throw me to the curb. Someone won’t judge my past or my background and see me for the strong and passionate person I am. You couldn’t see that and clearly it wasn’t worth it to see. But it will be to someone. You’re loss again, buddy.

You’ll never find someone as chill and laid back as me. You’ll never find someone who thinks the world of you and would put you over their own issues any day.

I am for sure worth more than you ever cared to realize. I was the one who was too good for you. You didn’t deserve me or anything I gave you materialistically or emotionally.

So, thanks to you, I’ll never settle for “okay”. I deserve much, much more than I ever gave myself credit for. But because you treated me like a worthless piece of shit, I was able to find my worth from within.

In the end, I ended up gaining so much more without you in my life then when you were in it. My worth is mine to define and you no longer have the hold on my worth. I’ve released myself from it and will never let it into the hands of another again.

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Things To Know Before Falling for the Dive Head First Sassy Girl

I’m warning you, she’ll be challenging but in all the good ways. She will test your limits to see how far she can push. But please know her intention is not to hurt you. She just needs to know if you’re staying or going.

She’s a sassy little lady with a heart of gold but she doesn’t tolerate bullshit. She doesn’t do drama or chaos. Some of it is inevitable but if it becomes habitual, she’ll walk out the door so fast the door won’t have a chance to hit her ass on the way out.

Her sass mouth combined with her “I don’t give a fuck” attitude could get you into some trouble but all in good fun. Her “you can’t phase me” exterior is there to protect her vulnerable and big heart. She needs to know you’re diving in with her if she’s going to allow that part of her to show.

She’s the ride or die chick that asks questions later. She will always be down for you as long as you’re real with her. She’ll do anything and everything in her power and control for you as long as you’re honest and loyal.

Sure, she can be overly sensitive and emotional but that’s only because she’s passionate about everything in her life. If you’re lucky to be in her life and remain there, you’ll see that in no time. And that includes you.

She falls fast but she loves deeply and unconditionally. Love has no limits and has no boundaries. Her love is pure and real once you get it. She’s honest and loyal to a fault at times.

She doesn’t require a lot. She’s not a fan of presents or gifts because she’d take moments and memories over gifts every time. She’ll cherish every moment and take advantage of creating something beautiful out of those moments.

She will show you every single day and every single moment she can how important you are and the love she has for you. She will make an effort each and every day to show you her appreciation and love.

If you ever find yourself lost on your journey, she’ll be there to help you and hold down the relationship until you’re back on track. When she’s committed, she’s in 110% no questions asked.

Divorce isn’t an option for her. She’d rather stay single the rest of her life than give up on someone she loves. If you’re angry with her or hurt about something she did or said, take your sweet ass to the couch (or she’ll go since she’s little and fun size) and you’ll hash it out tomorrow.

You’ll never have to question or doubt her love and loyalty because she’ll show you every day how committed she is to you and us. No matter what, she’ll always have your back and you’ll always have a partner in crime.

If There is a God, Please Help Her

The girl who’s always smiling can’t find it in her to fake it anymore… She’s exhausted. Please, help her.

She fights every damn day with her demons and right now, they’re winning. The worst part is, there’s no telling what thoughts are racing through her head.

She’s screaming and crying out for help but no one’s really listening to her. Everyday she wakes up she wishes she wasn’t here. Everyday she goes to sleep, she prays she doesn’t wake up.

Everyday is becoming more of an uphill battle that is becoming almost impossible for her to fight. The smiles are less and less. Her laugh is nearly nonexistent. Her depression is taking over. Please God, or I am begging you to save her.

She has a smile that can light up a room and a laugh that is infectious. Please do not let that go to waste. She feels as if she’s fighting a losing battle. Her depression has hold of her and she needs strength and power to beat it.

She feels alone. She feels hopeless. She believes she’s helpless. The world needs more people as selfless and caring as her. Please, help her.

She thinks she’s served her purpose already but she has so much more to do in the world. She feels the walls are closing in on her and no one will help or save her.

She feels like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. She’s managed to push everyone away to a point of no return. This is not who she is or who she worked hard to become. This is depression taking over her already vulnerable and fragile mind.

She’s convinced herself that no one cares about her. She can’t even wrap her head around why anyone would… Without even realizing it, she’s sabotaging everything in her life. Well, her depression is.

She doesn’t want to feel this way. She wants to change and be happy. That’s what she wishes for every time she sees a shooting star. To be lifted from this depression and experience joy.

This girl is on a downward spiral and it’s spinning out of control. To the point where even just the thought of death is comforting to her. It’s giving her a sense of peace from the pain and hurt she feels. I truly hope it’s not too late. No one should feel comforted by the thought of death.

She’s in a very scary place. She’s afraid to be alone because of what she might do. The pain increases as each day goes by. The world needs her and her purpose is not yet fully served.

Please, God, help this girl. Give her the strength to at least put up a fight. She’s so weak and lonely and it’s only a matter of time before she’s lost forever. Then it’ll be too late because her only means of ridding the pain is by getting rid of herself.

The Last Thing Any of us Need is the Someone Who Can’t Make Up Their Mind

When I asked you what we were considered to be or what “we” meant, you dodged the question at all costs. I don’t think I asked a particularly hard question to answer. The truth is, you just didn’t know what you wanted and probably still don’t. I won’t be strung along until you decide whether or not you want to be with me so this whole “us” and “we” is over.

I specifically told you I wasn’t looking for a Facebook relationship change status or to meet your family next week. I wasn’t asking to make things public, I just wanted to know for myself. It had everything to do with my security and understanding of the relationship so that I could be given the chance to continue or walk away.

Because you wanted to toy with my heart and emotions, you just lost a good girl who would have fought for you and the relationship. You gave away someone who is loyal, honest to a fault, loving, caring and generous. But you should know about her generosity, right? after all, it was my generosity that we were able to hang out and see each other, right?

You couldn’t see past your damn self to see that I only wanted some clarity about our relationship for my own peace of mind and sanity. It was always about “I want…” or ” I won’t… ” because it was always about you in your selfish mind.

Maybe had you provided a simple answer, there wouldn’t have been ridiculous arguments or unnecessary discussions and comments. You wanted to think I was acting crazy and emotional when I brought up how I felt rather than address my feelings and move on. You lost a good girl buddy and I don’t feel sorry for you one bit.

I was always thinking about you and making you happy. I did everything I could for you and for us to be together. But I was never at the forefront of your mind for anything. I was simply a passing of time. I was an extra in the movie of your life. What a sad realization that was for me. It’s a hard pill to swallow after opening myself up to you after years of abuse and being treated like shit.

I told you straight up what my intentions were and you said you felt the same. Do you remember that? I specifically told you I wasn’t looking for a husband but I also wasn’t looking for a random booty call or hook up.

I also remember telling you that I wasn’t looking for a husband because I do not intend on getting married, ever. You knew I was looking for something with the potential to grow into something more serious. You said you were on the same page but clearly you weren’t.

You claimed to be “super busy” and “not a lot of free time in my schedule” but if you actually cared and wanted “us” to move forward, you would have found the time and put forth the effort to make it work. I even told you that I would come out by you to see you, regardless of how much time we spent together. There’s no excuse you can use to try and justify your reasoning for not putting in the time and effort.

I made it so easy for you it’s mind-boggling. It was so easy for you emotionally, financially and physically. You didn’t need a penny. I was always there for you and always made sure to ask if there was anything I could do for you. Yet, to get an answer to the simple question of “what are we” or “what does us mean” turned out to be impossible.

What could I have done to have received an answer from you? How many other ways could I have worded it so that you understood what I was asking? I guess it doesn’t even matter anymore. Because I’m walking away unless I get a definitive answer from you, like yesterday.

I’m more pissed that I wasted time and energy on someone who didn’t deserve me. I’m hurt that I allowed myself to open up to someone who could most likely not care whether I was dead or alive.

I deserve to be a priority in someone’s life. I deserve someone who values and respects me enough to tell me the truth and not be afraid to be an honest person. I am worth someone’s time, effort and love. You may not have been that someone and that’s okay. Just be human enough to be honest and straightforward about things rather than string me along and waste my time.

The Lies Depression Whispers in my Ear

It waits, lurking in the darkest corners of your mind until you’re vulnerable and unsuspecting. Then, out of nowhere, it hits you like a ton of bricks. Depression is the bully of all bullies, it makes you believe things that could never

1. You’re unworthy…

Depression tells you that you’re not worthy of anyone’s time. You’re not worthy of someone caring about you. It assures you that you’re unworthy of love from another person.

Healthy friendships or relationships? Nope none for you. And when someone shows you otherwise, depression is there waiting to convince you there’s an ulterior motive or hidden agenda.

2. And you’ll never be good enough.

Depression makes you look at every part of yourself negatively. You think you’re pretty? Depression tells you you’re hideous. You think you’re smart? Depression makes you believe you’re dumb.

It can’t wait to tell you that you’re not good enough for someone. Or that you’re not smart enough to graduate. You’ll start believing you’re undeserving of anything good in life. Depression rips your self-esteem apart until there is none.

3. No matter what, it’s always your fault.

According to depression, it’s always going to be your fault. Depression will blame you until you start to automatically think everything is your fault.

Every mistake you make or every wrong you commit, depression is right there to tell you all you are is a mistake. “Nothing you do will ever be right.” it says, “So, stop trying.”

4. Literally no one cares.

Depression is always there… to remind you that no one gives a shit about you. That no one cares if you’re entire world is dark and lonely. Everything you do or say will go in one ear and right out the other, or completely unnoticed.

Depression tells you that you’re invisible, that your opinions and thoughts don’t matter, that no one would notice if you were around or not.

5. You’d be better off dead.

Hoping for a better tomorrow? Depression will be there to tell you tomorrow will be worse than today. It will tell you that life isn’t worth living, that misery will follow you into tomorrow.

Depression will tell you that there are no alternatives to getting better. That taking your life is the only possible solution to end your misery as well as everyone else’s.

But these are all lies. 

None of it is true. Depression wants you to be at rock bottom. It’ll tell you false information just to get you there. And once you’re there, it helps dig the hole deeper and deeper until there’s little to no hope of getting out.

But there is hope, there’s always hope. Don’t let depression lie to you anymore. You can’t help feeling the way you’re feeling, but you can make your own voice louder than depression’s whispers.

Tell yourself 3 truths to combat each lie your head tells you: “No one cares? Yeah right, my mom, my dad and my best friend care more than anything in the world so take that.”

You have to fight every single day, because brighter days are coming, you just have to hold onto the hope and call out depression’s BS whenever you hear it.