This is What the Girl With the Big Heart Deserves

The big-hearted girl deserves the world and more and anyone lucky enough to be with her should consider themselves in the presence of a queen. She deserves someone who gets her and accepts her as she is. Someone who is willing to go that extra step to understand the things about her that puzzle them. Someone who asks more and doesn’t just nod their head and pretend to care.

The girl with the big heart is used to caring for someone else’s feelings before her own so her feelings tend to be last to be validated if at all. She needs someone who can hug her and let her know she’s not alone. Someone who isn’t afraid to see her darkest hour. Someone who knows her true beauty at their best and worst.

Someone who recognizes when she’s wearing her mask to appear okay when in reality, she’s dying inside. She deserves someone who is attentive and recognizes her troubles. Because she won’t ask for anything but in her little comments or mumbling under her breath, there are truths that need to be heard.

She’s a true warrior with a heart of gold that’s been stomped on one too many times. She’s worthy of so much more than she gives herself credit for. The lucky one in her life needs to prove this to her everyday. She’s worth every minute.

The person worth being in her life won’t blow her off or brush off anything she says as if it’s nothing.

She’s the type to carry the world on her shoulders and ask nothing in return. She needs someone to carry her for a change and say “you’re not fighting alone”.

She will do the smallest things for people just to make sure they know they’re special and that she’s thinking of them. It would be nice if she had someone who showed their appreciation consistently for those small things. They do matter.

This girl with a big heart deserves to not be hurt again. She deserves someone who is as selfless as her and will look out for her best interest. Someone who is honest to a fault and won’t lie just to avoid a fight or to prevent her from getting mad. If that’s the reason or justification for lying, you’re obviously doing something wrong. And she doesn’t deserve lies and manipulation. She deserves truth and respect.

This girl wears her heart on her sleeve and she’s worth so much more than she knows. If only she would stop settling and see her beauty would she be able to see her true worth.

She shows kindness where rudeness exists. She shows strength instead of self-pity. She embraces change and doesn’t avoid it. She’s an amazing person and anyone to cross paths with her is lucky. She deserves the guy who will learn the value of life with her.

Advertisements

I Put Every Fiber of my Being Into Us While You Watched Us Burn To Nothing

The day you left me was a day I never expected to survive. It was so easy for you to leave me and life we had built throughout the years. You watched me self-destruct and acted as if it didn’t phase you. And maybe it didn’t affect you, but that isn’t even the point anymore. There was this unknown part of my heart and soul that I didn’t know existed until I started the process of healing from your traumatic departure. The amount of strength I didn’t know I had until you left is the greatest gift you have ever given me.

You wanted to blame me for your unhappiness and failure of our relationship. As if I wasn’t already down and out that you walked out on me, never to return, you felt the need to break me down even more by placing the blame on me. When it first happened, I spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out how the blame was being placed on me and how you weren’t responsible for any of it.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized you weren’t ever going to take responsibility for your part in the relationship because you don’t want to face yourself. You’d rather lie to yourself in order to sleep at night rather than face yourself and the damage you caused another human being. That’s the sad reality you live in which is why you were able to leave me so quickly as if I was an extra in your movie.

The reason you want to blame your unhappiness on the relationship is because you were unhappy with yourself. By not addressing the struggles and difficulties in our relationship when I brought them up, you drank yourself to sleep while I was next to you crying, not knowing what else to do to save us. The nights I stayed up all night trying to figure out ways to fix our relationship were epic failures, but that wasn’t my fault. You damn well can’t ever say I didn’t fight for us because I put my heart, soul and every fiber of my being into “us.”

You emotionally withdrew from the relationship without bringing it to my attention and I refuse to blame myself for that. Personally, I think there was too much blame placed on me, but that’s okay now. When you left, I didn’t think I’d make it another 5 minutes, let alone make it to the next day. But you knew that, remember? You just watched. That gave me the strength to come to accept that I never knew you and you never loved me nor cared.

When you left, I couldn’t accept that I had been used and manipulated. Now, you’ll be the lesson I teach my niece and future children of how to treat people and how not to treat people. At least you’ll serve some purpose.

Shame on me for putting my worth and my faith into someone else. Had you stayed, I would have never realized how much more I am worth than you ever gave me credit for. I would have never came to the conclusion that it was me who was settling for mediocre. Thank you for allowing me to see that because no one will ever have that type of power over my worth and my life.

I was devoted to you 110% and I wasn’t going to look back because I loved you. I can truly say I loved you unconditionally because your flaws would have never come close to the good in you, at least that’s what I thought at the time.

When you left, you helped me understand that not everyone is who they say they are. I mean, the way you treated me the last year of the relationship it was almost like sleeping next to a stranger I picked up off of the street. That’s how unfamiliar you were to me. Now, you’re a faded memory to remind myself of what not to do and how much I am worth.

You may have knocked me down temporarily, but sweetheart, I’m a fucking warrior and there’s no limit to my strength. You dulled my brightness and sparkle and I finally have it back. I have no idea where this strength came from, but I have you to thank for leaving and making me a stronger and wiser warrior. I was always too good for you, I just didn’t know it at the time. Today, I am filled with joy, happiness and laughter, not anger, hurt or bitterness. You were the lesson I needed in order for me to face my demons and come out on top. And I’ll remain on top.

He Lost Out On An Everyday Kind Of Love

You’re an idiot. You had it made with her but fear, ego, and entitlement were always your main issues. You always wanted everything given on a silver platter.

Newsflash buddy…you get what you put in and from what she saw, you put in very minimal. You shall receive just that. Hence why she was always way too good for you.

She was a very chill kind of girl, she could stay in on a Friday and binge watch Netflix shows or she’d take your parents out for dinner and then call it a night.

Very rarely did she ask you to lift a finger. You barely did that. You really couldn’t get your shit together. She never once complained about it after she talked to you about it once.

And you never changed so really, you didn’t stand a chance with her in the end. Is that why you walked out on her? Did you know that sooner or later she’d leave your lazy ass? In the end, she’s the winner and you lost the one of a kind Friday night and Sunday morning type of love.

You said you weren’t happy. That the reason you left the relationship was that she had baggage, well, don’t we all?

As she was working to get healthy both physically and mentally, you became resentful. She’s a resilient woman and unfortunately, that intimidated you rather than make you proud. While you couldn’t handle that and be happy for her, she stood by your side through thick and thin, whether or not she agreed or disagreed with your decision. She fought. You ran.

Was it that difficult for you to communicate with her? If it was, why did you stay with someone you couldn’t communicate with? Poor girl never had a chance in the relationship. She was doomed the moment you asked her to give love another chance.

She was left to deal with the pieces of her heart and life you shattered. How are you able to live each and every day with a smile on your face knowing the destruction and pain you caused? Every time she tried to get an answer from you, you flipped the script and made it her fault.

It wasn’t her fault. Sure, she made mistakes. She owned them. What did you do for the person you supposedly loved? You did nothing while she did everything for you.

She knows you’ll never take responsibility for the wrong you did. And she knows you’ll never think she was the best thing in your life. She is okay with that today.

Because she knows her worth is damn well more than you ever gave her. She knows that whoever you end up with will never amount to what she did for you and what she gave you.

And when she lays her head down at night with someone who deserves her, you’ll be a faded, almost non-existent part of her life and memory.

How To Hold Up Your Part of the Relationship When You’re Depressed

It’s not the easiest thing to conquer. It’s very difficult to participate in a relationship when you can’t even fathom getting up to shower. Everyone is different when it comes to depression and how it affects people.

That being said, some of the suggestions may need to be tweaked to suit your life and lifestyle. Some of these ideas may help and some may help generate ideas that work for you. I feel your pain and fight the demon of depression, so please know you are not alone.

JOURNAL

A journal between the two of you is a good way to keep in contact or write little messages to each other when one is away or not around. You can write how you’re feeling to your significant other or just a quick note letting them know you love them and care about them.

This also keeps the dialect and communication open between the two of you. Some people have a more positive experience with writing rather than talking. Others may be able to to write better than they speak. Whatever it is you and your partner agree to do, stick to it. It’s easy to drop the ball when depression is involved. Depression knows no limits.

DATE NIGHT

Schedule date night. Whether it is something to do inside or going out to see a movie, just something where the two of you can spend time together and be with each other.

Life is chaotic and throws many curve balls out of nowhere, so it’s easy to let this fall by the wayside. Do not allow it to become a habit.

GET A CARD OR MAKE A CARD

This is just a living gesture that helps your significant other feel cared about. It also gives a sense of security to the other that you care about them and wanted to make sure they know they are special.

ASK IF/WHAT THE OTHER NEEDS FROM YOU

Be straightforward with the other. Tell the other what you need and don’t be afraid to ask the other for help. Often times, we feel we have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders but we don’t.

We can ask for help. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable. It shows strength and courage to ask someone to fight this battle of depression with you.

ASK ABOUT THEIR DAY

This helps show you care about them regardless of how you’re feeling or if you had a bad day. It also opens the line of communication, which is critical for relationship success with or without depression.

This is also a way to take yourself out of your own mind and funk and focus on something else. It gives your mind a break to focus on what is important to you and for the relationship.

This is not going to be easy. It may seem easy at first to some people and for others it may seem like a daunting and dreadful chore. I know both sides. But you’ve got to put every effort forth to show in little ways that you are in fact still in the relationship. If you’re struggling with holding up your side of the relationship because depression is being a little bitch, you got this.

I Am Forgiving You Because I Deserve Peace

There’s not a bone in my body that wants to forgive you, but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of it. You don’t deserve my forgiveness in the slightest, but I’m not forgiving you for you, I’m forgiving you for me.

I’m forgiving you so I can sleep at night without fear. The amount of physical and psychological damage you did to my life is unexplainable. Anything and everything you put me through are things I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It is inexcusable.

I’m forgiving you so that I can leave this in the past and no longer allow it to affect my future. You’ve had too much power over me for so long and it’s coming to an end. You’re never going to change or own the fact that what you did was wrong, so I’m doing it for you.

Because I know if I don’t forgive you, all the memories that make my stomach turn will continue to haunt me forever. Cornering me in the bathroom and intimidating me by getting so close to my face I could feel the heat from your breath on my cheek. Instigating fights and antagonizing me until I had absolutely nothing left in me to argue anymore.

Yelling and screaming at me while I was severely ill, telling me lie after lie and genuinely believing it was okay, cheating and blaming me for everything wrong in your life. I’m done allowing the memory of you to consume my mind.

I’m forgiving you because I know what it’s like to have demons, to have a past that still haunts you, and to battle mental illness, but the thing is, you’re sicker than I ever was or will ever be.

You’re so unhappy with your own life, that you had to stain mine. You staged prescription medication all over the floor and then proceeded to call the police reporting to them I overdosed. All because you didn’t want me in our apartment that night for some reason, and the reason doesn’t even matter anymore.

You put a mark on my background so that potential jobs I wanted may not hire me because of a psychiatric history. And even though the hospital I was taken to found no evidence of medication in my body and completed a domestic violence assessment, the initial reason for bringing me to the hospital was an overdose and that is on record permanently.

And then the day came when you woke me up by taking a pistol and smacking it on my thigh. You held it to my head while I pleaded to you to cover my dead body to spare my family seeing their little girl like that.

Thankfully, I was given a split second to make the decision to live or die and I chose to live.I booked it out of that apartment so fast I didn’t care what was left behind.

I ran with one slipper on, no cell phone to call anyone because you had stolen both my personal and work cell phone, to the police department a few miles down the street.

I ran faster than the speed of light and when I got there, I collapsed on the floor and officers called my family.

The last text message from you was “never bye, believe that love, never bye…” which has been permanently stamped in my memory.

Looking back at it now, I don’t know whether I am more resentful at you or law enforcement and judicial system for not helping and forcing me to jump through every last hoop possible to obtain a restraining order against you.

But I have forgiven the officers and judges I encountered throughout my rollercoaster in hell.

But you knew they weren’t going to do much, didn’t you? You knew the laws without having to look them up because of the amount of times you’ve been arrested for domestic violence or related offenses but never convicted because we were all too scared for our lives.

Finally, I was no longer scared and fought for my right to live my life the way I wanted to. Endless battles in and out of courtrooms became exhausting but there was never a thought in my mind to drop the charges no matter how exhausted both mentally and physically I was.

Justice needed to be served for what you did to me and the others. I became the voice for the others because you silenced them. I became the voice for future victims to save them from a hell of a lot of pain and torture. No one deserves the hell you take joy in putting us through.

I can finally say I completely and truly forgive you. You are a sick, twisted, miserable person and I feel sorry that this is how you choose to live your life.

After everything you put me through, I overcame it all and gave myself peace of mind. Rather than hold onto these poisonous resentments, I am setting them free so I can live as normal of a life as I can. This is my final goodbye, have a nice life.