What You Need To Know About Healing From Heartbreak

At one time or another, many of us are going to have our hearts crushed by someone else. You’ll feel as if someone literally punched you in the gut. You may feel betrayed, lost or hopeless for quite some time. And I’m sorry you feel those things because it sucks. Take what I’ve learned and had to endure for what not to do when you’re heart has been stomped on.

My ex-fiancé and I were having our issues but never was it communicated or hinted that wewere on the verge of breaking up. In hindsight, my ex-fiancés actions and distance from me should have been a clue or two.

At the age of 30, I had to move back in with my parents after my ex walked out and left me high and dry without a word. I was devastated, humiliated and ashamed. My world and everything in it came crashing down in the snap of a finger.

After my ex left, I waited at “our” home for a few weeks, hoping and wishing he would come back. He didn’t. When I realized he wasn’t coming back, I attempted to end my life. Thankfully I have an amazing family who found me and helped me accept that it was time to leave and start the grieving process.

To this day, I am still processing what happened in that relationship as well as what I have and have not done to truly make it a part of my past as well as a learning experience for the future. The following list is what and what not to do after you have had your heart broken. It is my hope that this will help save you from making mistakes so you can focus solely on the process of letting go and moving on.

You do not need to distract yourself

The last thing you need is something to distract you from heartbreak. You need to process what happened and grieve the loss of someone who was in your life and I assume was very important to you. The last thing you need are unresolved feelings that will affect your future relationships.

I thought I needed to distract myself and I got nothing out of it. For me, I needed to prove (to no one in particular) that I was worthy and deserving. I started talking to different guys and ended up being in a “relationship” with one of them, if you can even call it that. The person I was with was absolutely awful. I think he was overall just not a good person. I think I stayed so long because I felt I wasn’t deserving of anything so proving my worth to whoever didn’t quite work out as I had planned.

The problem with distracting yourself is that you never heal the wounds of the past and they carry over into your current life. You need to feel the wide range of emotions you’ll feel if you ever have your heart broken. Distraction is only delaying the inevitable truth that you are going to have to deal with the breakup and heartbreak at some point so might as well do it now than later.

Allow yourself time to grieve

I know there are some people that do not fully understand what it means to grieve someone who is alive. Grief is commonly associated with death. According to dictionary.com, grief is “keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret,”. So, many of us attribute grief with the death of a loved one because that’s the only type of grief we grew up knowing.

In order to process the separation, you can think of grieving the loss of a loved one because even though they may be alive, they have departed your life and are no longer a part of it. Just by acknowledging it takes you one step further than you were a second ago. Acceptance is the harder part of working through the heartbreak but in my opinion, acceptance is an everyday type of thing.

Analyze the relationship

You’re dealing with the heartbreak of a relationship ending and now you’re probably thinking “why the hell would I want to do that”? This right here is taking a sucky situation and making it a learning experience so at least you get something out of it.

Go over what you did right and what you did wrong. Be sure to include what they did right and wrong. It’ll give you insight into why things didn’t work out and what things you won’t bring into the next relationship you’re in. It will also help you define things you want and don’t want in relationships as well as things you are willing to compromise on and things you won’t compromise on.

Do not call, text or social media stalk your ex

I cannot stress this enough because I’ve been in this place and it has made me resent social media and can’t enjoy using it as I once did. You do not need to know what the other person is doing, who they are with, how they are doing or anything of that sort. If you decide to accidentally stumble upon their Facebook page, ask yourself if they are wondering how you are doing or if they care what you are doing. I am not sorry for being blunt but it is something you need to ask yourself from time to time.

You do not need to know anything related to that person anymore and frankly, it is none of your business.

So, I used to go on my ex’s Facebook page to see if he had changed his profile picture or to see what or if he posted since the last time I was stalking his page. Let me tell you that I was not fond of seeing the picture of him and his new girlfriend the last time I ever went on his Facebook page. It didn’t make me feel good so why did I even go on in the first place?

I recommend blocking them on all social media platforms and your phones. You already feel crappy enough about the situation so why make it anymore crappy or difficult to deal with? It makes no sense to add fuel to that fire.

Final Words

While I could probably go on and on about what and what not to do during heartbreak, I’d rather provide you with the most crucial and critical things that helped me get to a point of acceptance and healing.

After my ex left, I became very bitter and resentful and not just toward him but everyone and everything in my life. It was unhealthy and led me down a scary path for a while. It was a lonely, dark and scary place to be in during that time.

The party isn’t fun when you’re locked inside of your room being pissed at the world. The world didn’t do this to you. It’s an unfortunate part of life most of us have to go through. The important part of the equation is which of you will take the time to heal or ignore it and have a lifetime of unhealthy relationships.

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Don’t Be Afraid To Date Someone Who’s Been Screwed Over

Why are some people so afraid of dating the girl who got screwed over? I’ve heard some people say “she’s probably too emotional and unstable right now” and “she’s probably crazy”. Well, she’s not.

She’s not broken and if she is, she isn’t asking you to fix her or put her back together. She is fully capable of doing that on her own. You can even join her journey of rebuilding herself. But do NOT interfere with that.

She’s not broken. She had some plans in life that didn’t go as expected. Does that really mean she’s broken? Does that mean she is emotionally unstable? Absolutely not.

If you decide to join her on her journey, you may find yourself learning from her and growing as a person. She may begin deciphering between what she wants and doesn’t want in a relationship or life in general.

Just because she’s in the process of rebuilding herself does not mean she doesn’t already love herself. There may just need to be some minor adjustments to her or her life. And if she loves herself, she is more capable of fully loving you than some others who don’t know who they are or who they want to be.

She’ll always have her core sense of self but life doesn’t always go according to plan. We also change throughout life, so we’re constantly revising ourselves and our wants/needs and likes/dislikes.

You think she’s emotionally fragile and vulnerable because she isn’t the person she fully wants to be today? She very well might be. But that’s the type of girl who is in tune with herself and capable of loving another selflessly.

She’s rebuilding herself in hopes for a better tomorrow and day after that. She is learning to grow and adapt to changes in her life. She is resilient.

While you doubt her ability to fully love you in a selfless manner, she’s slipping further and further away from you and you may lose your chance all together.

Maybe she considers herself broken. And that’s okay. It means the pieces are still around her so she can put them where they fit.

Someone who’s been broken or decided to rebuild themselves are the strongest and most dedicated people out there.

They see something isn’t right and they WANT to fix it. And the best part is that they’re doing it for themselves and those around them. The girl you think is so unstable may be the one who could change your entire world and you’re letting her slip by.

She will love you selflessly but also fearlessly. She will show you strength and she will show you vulnerability. This girl will show you many different ways of life that you’ll be speechless.

Don’t let her get away. Pursue her. Don’t try to fix her or repair her. She doesn’t need that. What she needs is support and a shoulder to lean on here and there.

She has been temporarily knocked down by this thing called life, but she has fought and conquered and will continue to do so as she rebuilds herself. This girl may not be her full self yet, but she is definitely ahead of others because she loves herself regardless of the changes needed to be made or what life has thrown her way.

She’s a fucking warrior. And warriors are capable of fully loving another person. They’re capable of selflessness. Because they know what it’s like to be knocked down and refuses to succumb to life’s curveballs.

Don’t Let Anyone Dull Your Sparkle

She spent a long time rebuilding herself because an emotionally abusive person knocked her down and made her feel less than. She’s got a heart of gold but she still has insecurities and bad days where she feels awful about herself. Her heart was broken to pieces when he took advantage of her good heart.

He fucked with her emotions. He acted as if he was the sweetest most loving person when really, he was a fake and a phony. He said all of the right things and fed off of her insecurities like a pro. What satisfaction does that give him? Did he enjoy every last minute until the time he decided he was done with her?

She did confide in him about many things and she thought he confided in her as well but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Why did he have sex with her and stop talking to her not even 24 hours after? She just needs to know what happened, She wants closure. If he had a change of heart or feelings changed, she still deserves to know for her own peace of mind.

She gave her heart to him because he made her believe he was real. He made indirect comments about being her boyfriend. She thought you guys had a blast together the times you went out. So, what was it? Was she too good to be true? Well, she is real and most definitely too good for him.

Suddenly walking away like he did fucked with her self-esteem and self worth. She told him time and time again that she was nervous and self-conscious about her herself and all he said was “you’re beautiful and amazing,” That was a lie. Was anything he said remotely close to the truth? Or was the whole thing about getting laid?

Anyone who does that is a disgusting and disgraceful excuse for a human being. He has no problems sleeping at night knowing he’s intentionally hurting people’s feelings.

She is lying awake playing everything back in her mind to see where or what could have gone wrong. She comes up with nothing. She cries and cries and is beating herself up because she feels used and manipulated. She is physically sick to her stomach because she can’t fathom how a person could take such a precious girl and damage what she worked so hard to piece back together.

She thinks that everything he ever told her was a blatant lie. He played an expert role when it came to being the insecure, lost little boy. It’s almost as if it was an unconscious thing to do. The thing is, she wouldn’t have ran away had he been honest about things. Because she would have had his back when everyone else turned theirs on him.

He can’t just blow it with the one girl who would always put him first and herself second. Or at least give an explanation as to why he got up and left without a word. Her feelings matter and she deserves an explanation. She doesn’t deserve to be beating herself up because he’s a shitty person.

She is awesome and amazing and losing her will be his biggest regret. She’s so much more than what he sees but that’s ok. She made a promise to herself that no one would ever dull her sparkle again.

You May Not Have Thought I Was Worth It, But Someone Will

You may not have thought I was worth the fight. Well, obviously you didn’t because we wouldn’t be where we are right now if you did. I put my worth in the hands of you, a miserable and condescending douche, so I should have known my worth was next to nothing to you. You’re loss. Someone will see my worth and treat me as such.

Every time I brought up my feelings about something or that I was upset, you immediately went on the defense and blamed me. You’re lack of acknowledgment was telling enough of how much you thought I was worth.

You ignored anything I was going through and found something to make it about you. And when you did that, I actually sat there and listened and comforted you as a good girlfriend would. But in hindsight, you didn’t give a shit about anything I went through or any of the struggles I conquered everyday. That says what you thought I was worth. Nothing.

You said I was overreacting and overly sensitive. You said I was reading into things too much. But turns out, I wasn’t. I wasn’t worth the conversation when you decided to up and leave. Goes to show my worth to you throughout the entire relationship.

You never had my back. I was fighting battles that your friends and family started with me while you sat on the sidelines and watched as if it were a match. I wasn’t worth defending in your eyes.

Because of the hell you put me through, I am now the one and only holder of my worth. I have defined my worth and no one will ever be in charge of that again. Side note, it was you that wasn’t worth it.

Someone will appreciate my sarcasm and brutal honesty. Someone will notice the small things I do for them on a consistent basis. You never did and for that, you didn’t deserve me.

There is someone out there who will be able to see past my mistakes and help me instead of throw me to the curb. Someone won’t judge my past or my background and see me for the strong and passionate person I am. You couldn’t see that and clearly it wasn’t worth it to see. But it will be to someone. You’re loss again, buddy.

You’ll never find someone as chill and laid back as me. You’ll never find someone who thinks the world of you and would put you over their own issues any day.

I am for sure worth more than you ever cared to realize. I was the one who was too good for you. You didn’t deserve me or anything I gave you materialistically or emotionally.

So, thanks to you, I’ll never settle for “okay”. I deserve much, much more than I ever gave myself credit for. But because you treated me like a worthless piece of shit, I was able to find my worth from within.

In the end, I ended up gaining so much more without you in my life then when you were in it. My worth is mine to define and you no longer have the hold on my worth. I’ve released myself from it and will never let it into the hands of another again.

Things To Know Before Falling for the Dive Head First Sassy Girl

I’m warning you, she’ll be challenging but in all the good ways. She will test your limits to see how far she can push. But please know her intention is not to hurt you. She just needs to know if you’re staying or going.

She’s a sassy little lady with a heart of gold but she doesn’t tolerate bullshit. She doesn’t do drama or chaos. Some of it is inevitable but if it becomes habitual, she’ll walk out the door so fast the door won’t have a chance to hit her ass on the way out.

Her sass mouth combined with her “I don’t give a fuck” attitude could get you into some trouble but all in good fun. Her “you can’t phase me” exterior is there to protect her vulnerable and big heart. She needs to know you’re diving in with her if she’s going to allow that part of her to show.

She’s the ride or die chick that asks questions later. She will always be down for you as long as you’re real with her. She’ll do anything and everything in her power and control for you as long as you’re honest and loyal.

Sure, she can be overly sensitive and emotional but that’s only because she’s passionate about everything in her life. If you’re lucky to be in her life and remain there, you’ll see that in no time. And that includes you.

She falls fast but she loves deeply and unconditionally. Love has no limits and has no boundaries. Her love is pure and real once you get it. She’s honest and loyal to a fault at times.

She doesn’t require a lot. She’s not a fan of presents or gifts because she’d take moments and memories over gifts every time. She’ll cherish every moment and take advantage of creating something beautiful out of those moments.

She will show you every single day and every single moment she can how important you are and the love she has for you. She will make an effort each and every day to show you her appreciation and love.

If you ever find yourself lost on your journey, she’ll be there to help you and hold down the relationship until you’re back on track. When she’s committed, she’s in 110% no questions asked.

Divorce isn’t an option for her. She’d rather stay single the rest of her life than give up on someone she loves. If you’re angry with her or hurt about something she did or said, take your sweet ass to the couch (or she’ll go since she’s little and fun size) and you’ll hash it out tomorrow.

You’ll never have to question or doubt her love and loyalty because she’ll show you every day how committed she is to you and us. No matter what, she’ll always have your back and you’ll always have a partner in crime.