Don’t Let Anyone Dull Your Sparkle

She spent a long time rebuilding herself because an emotionally abusive person knocked her down and made her feel less than. She’s got a heart of gold but she still has insecurities and bad days where she feels awful about herself. Her heart was broken to pieces when he took advantage of her good heart.

He fucked with her emotions. He acted as if he was the sweetest most loving person when really, he was a fake and a phony. He said all of the right things and fed off of her insecurities like a pro. What satisfaction does that give him? Did he enjoy every last minute until the time he decided he was done with her?

She did confide in him about many things and she thought he confided in her as well but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Why did he have sex with her and stop talking to her not even 24 hours after? She just needs to know what happened, She wants closure. If he had a change of heart or feelings changed, she still deserves to know for her own peace of mind.

She gave her heart to him because he made her believe he was real. He made indirect comments about being her boyfriend. She thought you guys had a blast together the times you went out. So, what was it? Was she too good to be true? Well, she is real and most definitely too good for him.

Suddenly walking away like he did fucked with her self-esteem and self worth. She told him time and time again that she was nervous and self-conscious about her herself and all he said was “you’re beautiful and amazing,” That was a lie. Was anything he said remotely close to the truth? Or was the whole thing about getting laid?

Anyone who does that is a disgusting and disgraceful excuse for a human being. He has no problems sleeping at night knowing he’s intentionally hurting people’s feelings.

She is lying awake playing everything back in her mind to see where or what could have gone wrong. She comes up with nothing. She cries and cries and is beating herself up because she feels used and manipulated. She is physically sick to her stomach because she can’t fathom how a person could take such a precious girl and damage what she worked so hard to piece back together.

She thinks that everything he ever told her was a blatant lie. He played an expert role when it came to being the insecure, lost little boy. It’s almost as if it was an unconscious thing to do. The thing is, she wouldn’t have ran away had he been honest about things. Because she would have had his back when everyone else turned theirs on him.

He can’t just blow it with the one girl who would always put him first and herself second. Or at least give an explanation as to why he got up and left without a word. Her feelings matter and she deserves an explanation. She doesn’t deserve to be beating herself up because he’s a shitty person.

She is awesome and amazing and losing her will be his biggest regret. She’s so much more than what he sees but that’s ok. She made a promise to herself that no one would ever dull her sparkle again.

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You May Not Have Thought I Was Worth It, But Someone Will

You may not have thought I was worth the fight. Well, obviously you didn’t because we wouldn’t be where we are right now if you did. I put my worth in the hands of you, a miserable and condescending douche, so I should have known my worth was next to nothing to you. You’re loss. Someone will see my worth and treat me as such.

Every time I brought up my feelings about something or that I was upset, you immediately went on the defense and blamed me. You’re lack of acknowledgment was telling enough of how much you thought I was worth.

You ignored anything I was going through and found something to make it about you. And when you did that, I actually sat there and listened and comforted you as a good girlfriend would. But in hindsight, you didn’t give a shit about anything I went through or any of the struggles I conquered everyday. That says what you thought I was worth. Nothing.

You said I was overreacting and overly sensitive. You said I was reading into things too much. But turns out, I wasn’t. I wasn’t worth the conversation when you decided to up and leave. Goes to show my worth to you throughout the entire relationship.

You never had my back. I was fighting battles that your friends and family started with me while you sat on the sidelines and watched as if it were a match. I wasn’t worth defending in your eyes.

Because of the hell you put me through, I am now the one and only holder of my worth. I have defined my worth and no one will ever be in charge of that again. Side note, it was you that wasn’t worth it.

Someone will appreciate my sarcasm and brutal honesty. Someone will notice the small things I do for them on a consistent basis. You never did and for that, you didn’t deserve me.

There is someone out there who will be able to see past my mistakes and help me instead of throw me to the curb. Someone won’t judge my past or my background and see me for the strong and passionate person I am. You couldn’t see that and clearly it wasn’t worth it to see. But it will be to someone. You’re loss again, buddy.

You’ll never find someone as chill and laid back as me. You’ll never find someone who thinks the world of you and would put you over their own issues any day.

I am for sure worth more than you ever cared to realize. I was the one who was too good for you. You didn’t deserve me or anything I gave you materialistically or emotionally.

So, thanks to you, I’ll never settle for “okay”. I deserve much, much more than I ever gave myself credit for. But because you treated me like a worthless piece of shit, I was able to find my worth from within.

In the end, I ended up gaining so much more without you in my life then when you were in it. My worth is mine to define and you no longer have the hold on my worth. I’ve released myself from it and will never let it into the hands of another again.

If There is a God, Please Help Her

The girl who’s always smiling can’t find it in her to fake it anymore… She’s exhausted. Please, help her.

She fights every damn day with her demons and right now, they’re winning. The worst part is, there’s no telling what thoughts are racing through her head.

She’s screaming and crying out for help but no one’s really listening to her. Everyday she wakes up she wishes she wasn’t here. Everyday she goes to sleep, she prays she doesn’t wake up.

Everyday is becoming more of an uphill battle that is becoming almost impossible for her to fight. The smiles are less and less. Her laugh is nearly nonexistent. Her depression is taking over. Please God, or I am begging you to save her.

She has a smile that can light up a room and a laugh that is infectious. Please do not let that go to waste. She feels as if she’s fighting a losing battle. Her depression has hold of her and she needs strength and power to beat it.

She feels alone. She feels hopeless. She believes she’s helpless. The world needs more people as selfless and caring as her. Please, help her.

She thinks she’s served her purpose already but she has so much more to do in the world. She feels the walls are closing in on her and no one will help or save her.

She feels like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. She’s managed to push everyone away to a point of no return. This is not who she is or who she worked hard to become. This is depression taking over her already vulnerable and fragile mind.

She’s convinced herself that no one cares about her. She can’t even wrap her head around why anyone would… Without even realizing it, she’s sabotaging everything in her life. Well, her depression is.

She doesn’t want to feel this way. She wants to change and be happy. That’s what she wishes for every time she sees a shooting star. To be lifted from this depression and experience joy.

This girl is on a downward spiral and it’s spinning out of control. To the point where even just the thought of death is comforting to her. It’s giving her a sense of peace from the pain and hurt she feels. I truly hope it’s not too late. No one should feel comforted by the thought of death.

She’s in a very scary place. She’s afraid to be alone because of what she might do. The pain increases as each day goes by. The world needs her and her purpose is not yet fully served.

Please, God, help this girl. Give her the strength to at least put up a fight. She’s so weak and lonely and it’s only a matter of time before she’s lost forever. Then it’ll be too late because her only means of ridding the pain is by getting rid of herself.

The Last Thing Any of us Need is the Someone Who Can’t Make Up Their Mind

When I asked you what we were considered to be or what “we” meant, you dodged the question at all costs. I don’t think I asked a particularly hard question to answer. The truth is, you just didn’t know what you wanted and probably still don’t. I won’t be strung along until you decide whether or not you want to be with me so this whole “us” and “we” is over.

I specifically told you I wasn’t looking for a Facebook relationship change status or to meet your family next week. I wasn’t asking to make things public, I just wanted to know for myself. It had everything to do with my security and understanding of the relationship so that I could be given the chance to continue or walk away.

Because you wanted to toy with my heart and emotions, you just lost a good girl who would have fought for you and the relationship. You gave away someone who is loyal, honest to a fault, loving, caring and generous. But you should know about her generosity, right? after all, it was my generosity that we were able to hang out and see each other, right?

You couldn’t see past your damn self to see that I only wanted some clarity about our relationship for my own peace of mind and sanity. It was always about “I want…” or ” I won’t… ” because it was always about you in your selfish mind.

Maybe had you provided a simple answer, there wouldn’t have been ridiculous arguments or unnecessary discussions and comments. You wanted to think I was acting crazy and emotional when I brought up how I felt rather than address my feelings and move on. You lost a good girl buddy and I don’t feel sorry for you one bit.

I was always thinking about you and making you happy. I did everything I could for you and for us to be together. But I was never at the forefront of your mind for anything. I was simply a passing of time. I was an extra in the movie of your life. What a sad realization that was for me. It’s a hard pill to swallow after opening myself up to you after years of abuse and being treated like shit.

I told you straight up what my intentions were and you said you felt the same. Do you remember that? I specifically told you I wasn’t looking for a husband but I also wasn’t looking for a random booty call or hook up.

I also remember telling you that I wasn’t looking for a husband because I do not intend on getting married, ever. You knew I was looking for something with the potential to grow into something more serious. You said you were on the same page but clearly you weren’t.

You claimed to be “super busy” and “not a lot of free time in my schedule” but if you actually cared and wanted “us” to move forward, you would have found the time and put forth the effort to make it work. I even told you that I would come out by you to see you, regardless of how much time we spent together. There’s no excuse you can use to try and justify your reasoning for not putting in the time and effort.

I made it so easy for you it’s mind-boggling. It was so easy for you emotionally, financially and physically. You didn’t need a penny. I was always there for you and always made sure to ask if there was anything I could do for you. Yet, to get an answer to the simple question of “what are we” or “what does us mean” turned out to be impossible.

What could I have done to have received an answer from you? How many other ways could I have worded it so that you understood what I was asking? I guess it doesn’t even matter anymore. Because I’m walking away unless I get a definitive answer from you, like yesterday.

I’m more pissed that I wasted time and energy on someone who didn’t deserve me. I’m hurt that I allowed myself to open up to someone who could most likely not care whether I was dead or alive.

I deserve to be a priority in someone’s life. I deserve someone who values and respects me enough to tell me the truth and not be afraid to be an honest person. I am worth someone’s time, effort and love. You may not have been that someone and that’s okay. Just be human enough to be honest and straightforward about things rather than string me along and waste my time.

If You Treated People as if They Would Be Gone Tomorrow, How Would It Look?

I’m sick and tired of shitty people. I’m sick of douchebags and users. I’m tired of selfish pricks. I do everything in my power not to hurt people or be mean to people. Isn’t that common? I have found out that it’s really not.

I want everyone to really think about this. If someone is very sick or prognosis is really bad, we tend to be overly kind or helpful. Think about whether or not you would pick up their phone call or not answer and say to yourself “I’ll call them back later”.

How would you treat this person, who has until tomorrow to live, or would you not treat them differently?

I know I’m not perfect and I’d treat that person a lot more fragile and I’d be nicer. Things that I may question or procrastinate on for a friend would not be how I treated someone if they were dying the next day.

I wouldn’t allow them to get up or expend too much energy. I’d get whatever it was they wanted or needed. I’d just be there for that person in anyway I was able to be.

I would be careful not to hurt their feelings. I would ask whether or not they wanted to talk about what was going to happen or not so I didn’t continually mention it and irritate the person.

I would answer their phone calls and texts without question. There wouldn’t be “I’m too busy” because really, when it comes to someone’s life, I’m not too busy ever. If the person asked me to do them a favor, I would.

There may be times in my life right now that I question whether or not to do something for someone. But if that person asked me and I knew they were going to die the next day, I would do it in the snap of a finger.

I would obviously treat them kindly. I’m a kind person in general. I would be empathetic and try to imagine what that person is going through.

I would ask the person if there was anything specific they wanted to do or see. Maybe they want to see a movie or visit a special place. I’d make sure to do what I could for that person who dies tomorrow.

So, how would you be different if you knew a friend or acquaintance was going to die the next day? Would it phase you? Would you not really think you had to treat them differently? Would you be nicer to that person or act the same as you always do?

Thinking about this has got me real emotional and kind of sad. It makes me believe if we approached everyone we know and meet in this way, things would be different.

I think many of the people in the world would be more aware of their actions and behaviors and how they affect others. I also think many would be nicer and care more if we acted as if someone we know or are friends with we’re going to die the next day.

I believe we would take that extra step to do everything in our power not to hurt people. I know I personally would. I definitely know I’d be more careful with my words and my actions so I don’t offend anyone.

Some people are just so self-absorbed in the world that they fail to see how they may be impacting or influencing someone’s life. They can’t see or aren’t aware that their actions and behaviors can negatively affect another person nor do they understand how it may affect them.

I just think people would be more careful and aware of how they act and behave. The world may be a better place to live in if we approached everyone as if they are dead tomorrow. It wouldn’t feel so cold and lonely.

None of us are promised or guaranteed tomorrow. Anything can happen to any one of us at any given time. So, why not treat people as if they know they’re going to die tomorrow? That person may not be around tomorrow. And that’s the reality of the matter.