A Letter to Those I Have Hurt

I know that an apology isn’t nearly enough to make up for the pain and hurt I’ve caused each and every one of you. I know it doesn’t seem like it but I am really trying to be a better person than I was yesterday. There is no excuse or justification for my behaviors or what I’ve said. I own it. And now, I have to deal with the consequences of losing decent and good hearted people.

Growing up, I was bullied by other people. When I reached high school, I was the bully. As much as I regret that part of my life, I can’t take it back. And I want to sincerely apologize to those I treated poorly and unfairly.

I would do absolutely anything to make amends to those I bullied and hurt throughout high school. It eats at me every single day and I pray this reaches those who I need to make amends with.

I talked a lot of shit about people growing up and that didn’t stop til about 5 years ago which, to me, is still pretty recent. I was trying to be cool or act like a tough cookie, but it only made me that much more shallow and cowardly.

There’s no excuse for my actions and my heart breaks because of what I did. You all didn’t deserve that. And I’m truly sorry for talking shit about you for selfish reasons of wanting to be “cool” and “accepted”.

To my ex that I cheated on a long time ago (about 8-10 years ago), I am sorry for ruining the relationship and being selfish in thinking about my wants and needs only and not taking you into consideration. I caused you a lot of heartache and pain. I caused you to have trust issues that may have impacted your relationships after. But I pray and hope you have found someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated and not someone like me.

To my ex-fiancé, I don’t know where or why we weren’t destined to be together but I did put forth every ounce of effort to making it work. That doesn’t mean I didn’t do anything wrong. I am sorry for not being fully honest about finances or bringing you in the loop of my plans. I know that you just wanted to be a part of my plan and my life in general but I held you at arms length. Not a day goes by that I don’t beat myself up over it.

To the few who’s presence in my life was short lived, I acted out and acted irrationally. I made false accusations and acted like a total bitch for no reason. I let my insecurities and fear get the best of me. You deserve to know how awesome you are and have people in your life that bring out your awesomeness. It’s going to be a long time before I am able to forgive myself for things I did and said. But please know that I would take it back in a heartbeat if I could. I’ve lost you already but I hope this was a learning experience and that I am different to those I cross paths with in the future.

I owe a million apologies to every member of my family for name calling, not being there all the time and taking advantage of your kindness. It wasn’t until I thought about why I continued to do the same thing over and over again. Of course I was grateful and appreciative of everything you all have done for me but I continued to make the same mistakes rather than own it and fix it. I promise from here on out, I will make the necessary changes in order to better my life and show you my gratitude rather than speak it. I love you all and I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done.

I know I have a long way to go in terms of changing to be a better person. I know it’s hard to believe but I’ve come a long way from who I was before. I’m a work in progress and now that I’m aware of my shitty and rude behaviors and actions, I promise all of you that I will not repeat those same mistakes again.

I hope this reaches all of you. I just want each and every one of you to know how truly sorry I am for hurting you and that I’ll do what I can in my control to make it right. I understand if you all don’t want to hear from me again and I’ll respect your wishes. But I do hope some of you will accept my apology and be a part of my journey to be a better person.

I know what I’ve done wrong in my life and now that I’ve identified those wrongs, I’m going to do everything I can to make things right. I have had more sleepless nights because the thought of hurting you all absolutely crushes my soul to pieces. I’ve cried until there were no more tears to come streaming down my face. I live with such regret. At times, I hate myself for the hurt I’ve put you all through.

Please know that I am deeply sorry for causing you any pain or suffering. I’ll never be the same now that I’ve come to an awareness of my behaviors and actions and how they’ve affected you all. Each one of you hold a special place in my heart that I will cherish for the rest of my life. You all are the reason I will do better tomorrow and the next day until my time comes to an end.

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This is What the Girl With the Big Heart Deserves

The big-hearted girl deserves the world and more and anyone lucky enough to be with her should consider themselves in the presence of a queen. She deserves someone who gets her and accepts her as she is. Someone who is willing to go that extra step to understand the things about her that puzzle them. Someone who asks more and doesn’t just nod their head and pretend to care.

The girl with the big heart is used to caring for someone else’s feelings before her own so her feelings tend to be last to be validated if at all. She needs someone who can hug her and let her know she’s not alone. Someone who isn’t afraid to see her darkest hour. Someone who knows her true beauty at their best and worst.

Someone who recognizes when she’s wearing her mask to appear okay when in reality, she’s dying inside. She deserves someone who is attentive and recognizes her troubles. Because she won’t ask for anything but in her little comments or mumbling under her breath, there are truths that need to be heard.

She’s a true warrior with a heart of gold that’s been stomped on one too many times. She’s worthy of so much more than she gives herself credit for. The lucky one in her life needs to prove this to her everyday. She’s worth every minute.

The person worth being in her life won’t blow her off or brush off anything she says as if it’s nothing.

She’s the type to carry the world on her shoulders and ask nothing in return. She needs someone to carry her for a change and say “you’re not fighting alone”.

She will do the smallest things for people just to make sure they know they’re special and that she’s thinking of them. It would be nice if she had someone who showed their appreciation consistently for those small things. They do matter.

This girl with a big heart deserves to not be hurt again. She deserves someone who is as selfless as her and will look out for her best interest. Someone who is honest to a fault and won’t lie just to avoid a fight or to prevent her from getting mad. If that’s the reason or justification for lying, you’re obviously doing something wrong. And she doesn’t deserve lies and manipulation. She deserves truth and respect.

This girl wears her heart on her sleeve and she’s worth so much more than she knows. If only she would stop settling and see her beauty would she be able to see her true worth.

She shows kindness where rudeness exists. She shows strength instead of self-pity. She embraces change and doesn’t avoid it. She’s an amazing person and anyone to cross paths with her is lucky. She deserves the guy who will learn the value of life with her.

He Lost Out On An Everyday Kind Of Love

You’re an idiot. You had it made with her but fear, ego, and entitlement were always your main issues. You always wanted everything given on a silver platter.

Newsflash buddy…you get what you put in and from what she saw, you put in very minimal. You shall receive just that. Hence why she was always way too good for you.

She was a very chill kind of girl, she could stay in on a Friday and binge watch Netflix shows or she’d take your parents out for dinner and then call it a night.

Very rarely did she ask you to lift a finger. You barely did that. You really couldn’t get your shit together. She never once complained about it after she talked to you about it once.

And you never changed so really, you didn’t stand a chance with her in the end. Is that why you walked out on her? Did you know that sooner or later she’d leave your lazy ass? In the end, she’s the winner and you lost the one of a kind Friday night and Sunday morning type of love.

You said you weren’t happy. That the reason you left the relationship was that she had baggage, well, don’t we all?

As she was working to get healthy both physically and mentally, you became resentful. She’s a resilient woman and unfortunately, that intimidated you rather than make you proud. While you couldn’t handle that and be happy for her, she stood by your side through thick and thin, whether or not she agreed or disagreed with your decision. She fought. You ran.

Was it that difficult for you to communicate with her? If it was, why did you stay with someone you couldn’t communicate with? Poor girl never had a chance in the relationship. She was doomed the moment you asked her to give love another chance.

She was left to deal with the pieces of her heart and life you shattered. How are you able to live each and every day with a smile on your face knowing the destruction and pain you caused? Every time she tried to get an answer from you, you flipped the script and made it her fault.

It wasn’t her fault. Sure, she made mistakes. She owned them. What did you do for the person you supposedly loved? You did nothing while she did everything for you.

She knows you’ll never take responsibility for the wrong you did. And she knows you’ll never think she was the best thing in your life. She is okay with that today.

Because she knows her worth is damn well more than you ever gave her. She knows that whoever you end up with will never amount to what she did for you and what she gave you.

And when she lays her head down at night with someone who deserves her, you’ll be a faded, almost non-existent part of her life and memory.

26 Quotes For When You Can’t Escape Your Past

Sometimes our pasts feel so painful that we’ll never be able to escape them. It’s the daunting weight on them on our shoulders as we rest our heads on our pillows at night and when we open our eyes in the morning. But the truth is, we can be scarred and feel broken, but there will always be a new day to start over. There will always be another chance to pick yourself up and try again.

So take these quotes and keep them close to your heart because even on your worst day, you’re still a little bit lighter than the day before. And before you know it, your heavy past will be nothing but a faint memory.

    “Be miserable, or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” – Wayne Dyer
    “Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.” – Og Mandino
    “Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.” – William James
    “Fear cannot be without hope nor hope without fear.” – Baruch Spinoza
    “Learn from the past, set vivid, detailed goals for the future, and live in the only moment of time over which you have any control: now.” – Denis Waitley
    “If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie
    “When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.” – Thomas Jefferson
    “Begin to be now what you will be hereafter.” – William James
    “It’s always too early to quit.” – Norman Vincent Peale
    “Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” – Kyle Chandler
    “Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines.” – Robert H. Schuller
    “Things do not happen. Things are made to happen.” – John F. Kennedy
    “The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.” – Thomas Paine
    “Wherever you are, be all there.” – Jim Elliot
    “You can’t expect to hit the jackpot if you don’t put a few nickels in the machine.” – Flip Wilson
    “To be a good loser is to learn how to win.” – Carl Sandburg
    “Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” – Gordon B. Hinckley
    “Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other.” – Walter Elliot
    “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” – Aristotle Onassis
    “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
    “Believe you can and you are halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt
    “Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” – Jim Rohn
    “Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul.” – Democritus
    “Don’t let the fear of striking out hold you back.” – Babe Ruth
    “We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.” – Ronald Reagan
    “With self-discipline most anything is possible.” – Theodore Roosevelt.

Don’t be afraid to conquer your fears and chase after your dreams. Embrace the present and try your best; you’ll be shocked by how much you can accomplish.

How To Hold Up Your Part of the Relationship When You’re Depressed

It’s not the easiest thing to conquer. It’s very difficult to participate in a relationship when you can’t even fathom getting up to shower. Everyone is different when it comes to depression and how it affects people.

That being said, some of the suggestions may need to be tweaked to suit your life and lifestyle. Some of these ideas may help and some may help generate ideas that work for you. I feel your pain and fight the demon of depression, so please know you are not alone.

JOURNAL

A journal between the two of you is a good way to keep in contact or write little messages to each other when one is away or not around. You can write how you’re feeling to your significant other or just a quick note letting them know you love them and care about them.

This also keeps the dialect and communication open between the two of you. Some people have a more positive experience with writing rather than talking. Others may be able to to write better than they speak. Whatever it is you and your partner agree to do, stick to it. It’s easy to drop the ball when depression is involved. Depression knows no limits.

DATE NIGHT

Schedule date night. Whether it is something to do inside or going out to see a movie, just something where the two of you can spend time together and be with each other.

Life is chaotic and throws many curve balls out of nowhere, so it’s easy to let this fall by the wayside. Do not allow it to become a habit.

GET A CARD OR MAKE A CARD

This is just a living gesture that helps your significant other feel cared about. It also gives a sense of security to the other that you care about them and wanted to make sure they know they are special.

ASK IF/WHAT THE OTHER NEEDS FROM YOU

Be straightforward with the other. Tell the other what you need and don’t be afraid to ask the other for help. Often times, we feel we have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders but we don’t.

We can ask for help. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable. It shows strength and courage to ask someone to fight this battle of depression with you.

ASK ABOUT THEIR DAY

This helps show you care about them regardless of how you’re feeling or if you had a bad day. It also opens the line of communication, which is critical for relationship success with or without depression.

This is also a way to take yourself out of your own mind and funk and focus on something else. It gives your mind a break to focus on what is important to you and for the relationship.

This is not going to be easy. It may seem easy at first to some people and for others it may seem like a daunting and dreadful chore. I know both sides. But you’ve got to put every effort forth to show in little ways that you are in fact still in the relationship. If you’re struggling with holding up your side of the relationship because depression is being a little bitch, you got this.